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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
Nuggets of Wisdom from a Jar
“Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.”
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“I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.”
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“Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can’t get his pants off!”
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“Minds are like parachutes. They work best when open.”
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“I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.”
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“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”
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“Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, ‘Where the hell is the ceiling?’”
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“I’m not having hot flashes, I’m having power surges!”
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“Just because you’re smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.”
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“Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.”
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“We have a strange and wonderful relationship. You’re strange and I’m wonderful.”
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“Having an out of body experience. Back in five.”
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“Time is Nature’s way of making sure that everything doesn’t happen at once.”
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“If at first you don’t succeed, to heck with it.”
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“Do unto others, then run.”—Benny Hill
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“Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.”
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“I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.”
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“Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.”
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“It’s gonna be like threading a needle with a haystack.”
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“My heart’s in the right place. I know, ’cuz I hid it there.—Carrie Fisher
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“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”—Mae West
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“We are not human doings, rather, we are human beings.”
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“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.—Lily Tomlin
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“Tell me what you believe and I’ll tell you where you’re going wrong.”
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“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.”
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“If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?”
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“Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?”
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“Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.”
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“The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.”
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“I put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.”
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“Life is like a box of chocolates. It’s full of nuts.”
—From a collection in HumorBin.com
Go to Wordplay now!
Go to On the Job now
Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!
