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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
25 paraprosdokians to perk up what might be a so-so day
Do you know what a paraprosdokian is? Just in case you don’t, it’s a late 20th century neologism—a fusion of the Greek words for “despite” and “expectation”—for a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Often referred to as “sentences that throw a curve,” paraprosdokians are used by comedians and satirists for humorous or dramatic effect.
Here’s a generous sampling of 25 paraprosdokians to perk up your day:
“I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ‘Guess’ written on it...so I said ‘Implants?’”
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. —Oscar Wilde
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“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”
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“There but for the grace of God goes God.”—Sir Winston Churchill commenting on Sir Stafford Cripps, British socialist philosopher
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“Two wrongs don’t make a right—but three lefts do.”
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“Now, you take my wife… PLEASE! —Henny Youngman
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“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
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“If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.”
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“War does not determine who is right—only who is left.”
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“The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
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“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
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“Do not argue with an idiot: he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”
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“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
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“Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says ‘If an emergency, notify . . . ,’ I put ‘DOCTOR’.”
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“Americans choose between two people for president but among fifty for Miss America.”
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“Behind the rise of every successful man stands a woman, and behind the fall of every successful man is another woman.”
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“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
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“I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.”
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“You’re never too old to learn something stupid.”
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“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”
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“If I am reading this graph correctly — I’d be very surprised.” —Stephen Colbert
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“You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing...after they have tried everything else.” —Winston Churchill
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“On his feet he wore ... blisters.” —Aristotle
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“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” —Groucho Marx
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“In the morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I don’t know.”—Groucho Marx
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“One thing you mustn’t miss when you are in Nome—the plane!”
—From the humor collection of AlphaDictionary.com
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