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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
Funny English Signs from All Over the World
Here are some signs and notices in fractured English that have been spotted in various parts of the world. Enjoy them!
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a city restaurant:
Open seven days a week and weekends.
On a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
Do not activate with wet hands.
Hotel brochure, Italy:
This hotel is renowned for its piece and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
At a zoo in Nanjing, China:
Please don't hurt the animals while teasing them.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for streetwalking.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Sign in Egyptian hotel:
If you require room service, please open door and shout, "Room service!"
In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviors in bed.
In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
A sign on the door leading to an outside smoking area in Japan:
Building asks a smoked visitor in the outside smoking section that you cannot smoke in.
An advert for Tokai University Open House Day:
Tokai University Open campus for your mind only.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours—we guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
Take notice: when this sign is underwater, this road is impassable.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car
Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
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