- HOME
- INTRO TO THE FORUM
- BADLY WRITTEN, BADLY SPOKEN
- GETTING
TO KNOW ENGLISH - PREPARING FOR ENGLISH PROFICIENCY TESTS
- GOING DEEPER INTO ENGLISH
- YOU ASKED ME THIS QUESTION
- EDUCATION AND TEACHING FORUM
- ADVICE AND DISSENT
- MY MEDIA ENGLISH WATCH
- STUDENTS' SOUNDING BOARD
- LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
- THE LOUNGE
- NOTABLE WORKS BY OUR VERY OWN
- ESSAYS BY JOSE CARILLO
- Which Words Pack the Most Wallop
- No Earthly Reason Why The Clergy Should Be Bad In English Grammar
- Here’s Hoping For Better English In This Year’s Graduation Rites
- Looking Back to Easter Sunday’s Earthly and Celestial Foundations
- Our Need For Thinking National Leaders With The Gift Of Language
- The Heavy Price of Misplacing One’s Trust and Confidence
- ABOUT JOSE CARILLO
- READINGS ABOUT LANGUAGE
- TIME OUT FROM ENGLISH GRAMMAR
- NEWS AND COMMENTARY
- BOOKSHOP
- ARCHIVES
LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
Authentic Signages in the USA (Mostly)
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
Now serving live lobsters
On the menu of a restaurant:
Blackened bluefish
In a Maine restaurant:
Open seven days a week and weekends
On the walls of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law
—Sisters of Mercy
On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
Thirty-eight years on the same spot
In a New York drugstore:
We dispense with accuracy
In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center
On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church
In a funeral parlor:
Ask about our layaway plan
In a clothing store:
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks
Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques
In a Tacoma, Washington men’s clothing store:
15 men’s wool suits - $100 - They won’t last an hour!
In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
Parking for birds only
In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished
In a laundry room:
Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O’Hare Field in Chicago:
Do not activate with wet hands
In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
Ears pierced while you wait
In a New York restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager
A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin:
Crap - .79/lb.
In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed
In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home
At a number of US military bases:
Restricted to unauthorized personnel
On a display of “You are my one and only” Valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs
In the window of an Oregon general store:
Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves
On the grounds of a private school:
No trespassing without permission
In a library:
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away
On a Tennessee highway:
Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable
In front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can’t read this, it’s time you wash your car
On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon:
Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.
A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from the Transbay bus terminal:
Terminal Drugs
From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket:
If you are sitting in an exit row and cannot read this card, please tell a crew member.
On a delicatessen wall:
Our best is none too good
On a rollercoaster:
Watch your head
On a Maine shop:
Our motto is to give our customers the
lowest possible prices and workmanship
In downtown Boston:
Callahan Tunnel / No end
A sign on a front yard in York, Maine:
Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day and Night
Go to Wordplay now!
Go to On the Job now
Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!
