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Three instances of highly questionable English usage

The four major Metro Manila broadsheets admirably kept their major stories free of serious English grammar and usage last week, sustaining a nearly flawless record that started at the beginning of this year. I can only point to three instances of questionable English usage in their issues yesterday and today (April 15 and 16)—one in a major story and the other two in their Education sections.

Here they are and my critiques of them (all underlining for emphasis mine):

(1) Philippine Inquirer: Improper expletive construction (Internet edition)

That lead sentence reads very badly because of the improper construction of the clause “it is only in a nightmare can former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-Joc” Bolante win in this province.” The correct form for that expletive construction is this: “it is only in a nightmare that former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn ‘Joc-Joc’ Bolante can win in this province.” The expletive here is, of course, the word “it,” which serves as an “empty” subject and anticipates a noun clause that supplies the needed meaningful content later in the sentence. That noun clause is actually this: “that former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn ‘Joc-Joc’ Bolante can win in this province.” What’s needed is the subordinating conjunction “that”—not the modal “can”—to establish this noun clause.

The proper way to write that lead sentence is therefore as follows:

“It is only in a nightmare that former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-Joc” Bolante can win in this province, so said Senator Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III.”

Assuming that that faulty statement is not a direct quote from the speaker, the corrected sentence above can actually be made more concise and elegant by simply knocking off the expletive form “it is,” as follows:

“Only in a nightmare can former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-Joc” Bolante win in this province, so said Senator Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III.”

Note that without the expletive form “it is,” the modal “can” takes the original position assigned to it in the improperly constructed sentence—and the sentence becomes grammatically correct through that simple expedient.

(2) Philippine Star: Extremely longwinded, convoluted sentence (Internet edition)

It’s so difficult to read and understand the second sentence of the lead passage above because it is extremely longwinded and convoluted—all of 65 words consisting of so many details jostling for the reader’s attention. This problem is further compounded by the fact that the operative verb phrase of the statement attributed to the speaker, “have started their training,” comes only after the 47-word “that”-clause that serves as its subject.

In effect, therefore, the reader is made to muddle through that 46-word noun phrase denoting the doer of the action in that sentence—“227 math whiz kids from private and public elementary and high schools all over the country selected by their group after their one-week Young Mathematicians In-House Intensive Training Program held at the Crown Hotel and La Vista Resort Hotel in Balanga City, Bataan late last month”—before finding out what it had done (“have started their training”). Obviously, such convoluted sentence constructions should be avoided because of their deadening, exasperating quality.

Here’s a total rewrite of that lead passage that serves the plethora of the story’s details in bite-size, more easily understood chunks:

“A total of 227 young elementary and high school kids started intensive math training last Monday to prepare them to represent the country in at least eight international mathematical Olympiads this year.

“Dr. Simon Chua, president of the Mathematics Trainers Guild (MTG)- Philippines, said the math whiz kids come from private and public elementary and high schools all over the country. They were selected by MTG after its one-week Young Mathematicians In-House Intensive Training Program held at the Crown Hotel and La Vista Resort Hotel in Balanga City, Bataan, late last month.

“Chua said MTG’s Math Olympiad Summer Training will last until May 14.”

As we can see, when there’s enough breathing space between long trains of ideas, reading comprehension gets much better.

(Note also that in the rewrite, I used the exact figure of 227 for the number of participating students. The original passage was bound to confuse readers by rounding off that figure to “more than 220” in the lead sentence, then citing the exact figure of 227 in the second sentence. I think this vacillation in numbers reporting should be scrupulously avoided.)

(3) Manila Bulletin: A breach in the negative train of thought (Internet edition)

Everything was going great with the lead passage above until it grammatically and semantically stumbles towards the homestretch by using the phrase “much more speak before an important gathering of state leaders and influential personalities.” The problem arises because the second sentence starts on a negative note, “not once,” then suddenly comes up with that positively stated phrase, in the process ruining the logical train being developed in the sentence.   

For logical consistency in English, when a sentence starts on a negative note, subsequent elements in the sentence that intensify or increase that negative note should be expressed in a diminishing or decreasing note—not the other way around.

See how that sentence in question becomes grammatically correct and perfectly logical in the following rewrite:

“Not once in her simple life in the province of northern Samar did high school senior Donnady Coquila Lao imagine she would ride a plane, travel to New York City, much less speak before an important gathering of state leaders and influential personalities.”

Note that the grammatical and semantic fix is achieved by simply substituting the original “much more” with “much less.”

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