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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
30 Humorous Quotables
“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”—Doug Larson
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“The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.”—Unknown
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“Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers.”—Judith Martin
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“Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you’re able to persecute.”—Jonathan Kellerman
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“A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely.”—Lubna Azmi
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“Forgive your enemies—if you can’t get back at them any other way.”—Franklin P. Jones
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“I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.”—Oscar Wilde
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“How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.”—Sara Swank
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“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”—Franklin P. Jones
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“Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.”—Elbert Hubbard
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“I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.”—Alan Coren
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“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.”—Ashleigh Brilliant
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“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”—Scott Adams
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“The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.”—Casey Stengal
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“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”—Groucho Marx
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“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.”—Unknown
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“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.”—Franklin Jones
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“A word to the wise isn’t necessary; it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.”—Bill Cosby
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“Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest.”—Neil Kinnock
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“You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.”—Unknown
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“No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.”—H.L. Mencken
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“Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.”—Unknown
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“Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”—Tori Filler
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“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”—Salvador Dali
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“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.”—Sam Ewing
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“Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.”—Terry Marchal
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“You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.”—Unknown
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“Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.”—Al Bernstein
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“Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”—Robert Newton Peck
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“I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?”—Leo Duracher
—From Amanda's Quotes and Poetry
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