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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
A Treasury of Funny Quotes and Outrageous Sayings
About Men and Women:
“The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.”
~ Jilly Cooper ~
“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”
~ Margaret Thatcher ~
“To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.”
~ Helen Rowland ~
“When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.”
~ Elayne Boosler ~
“Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.”
~ Funny Short Saying ~
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
~ Albert Einstein ~
About Getting on in Years:
“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”
~ Bob Hope ~
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two...
~ Sir Norman Wisdom ~
“By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.
~ George Burns ~
“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.”
~ Helen Hayes ~
“When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m labeled senile.”
~ George Burns ~
“Older people shouldn’t eat health food; they need all the preservatives they can get.”
~ Robert Orben ~
Random Sayings:
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’”
~ Tommy Cooper ~
“If everything is coming your way you’re in the wrong lane!”
~ Funny Short Saying ~
“If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.”
~ Joan Rivers ~
“I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”
~ Jeff Foxworthy ~
“I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.”
~ Marilyn Monroe ~
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
~ Noel Coward ~
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.”
~ Joe Girard ~
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
~ Mel Brooks ~
“The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it’s bad for you.”
~ Issac Asimov ~
Go to Wordplay now!
Go to On the Job now
Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!
