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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
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30 Things That Irritate a Sane Person
1. A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.
2. A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
3. It’s bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
4. People behind you in a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
5. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”
6. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
7. The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
8. The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
9. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
10. The radio station doesn’t tell you who sang that song.
11. The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.
12. There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray.
13. There’s a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
14. There’s always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
15. Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
16. When you need a salesperson, you can never find one.
17. You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
18. You can’t look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don’t know how to spell it.
19. You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
20. You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can’t find it.
21. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just browsing.
22. You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
23. You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
24. You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
25. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
26. You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
27. You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
28. You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
29. Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
30. Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you’re trying to get a reading.
—From the Brain Candy Jokes & Humor Collection
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Go to Miscellany now!
