LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
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Wacky New Definitions for Common English Words
Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.
Cartoonist: what you call your mechanic.
Control: \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers \: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Crestfallen: dropped toothpaste.
Eclipse \i-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living.
Eyebrows: what I do when I go shopping.
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Foreclose: why teenagers go to the mall.
Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.
Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots.
Paradox \par'-u-doks\: Two physicians.
Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm.
Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: What penguins see with.
Primate \pri'-mat\: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief \ree-leef'\: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: What you do to relax your wife.
Seamstress \seem'-stres\: Describes 250 pounds in a size six.
Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does.
Subdued \sub-dood'\: Like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: Brought litigation against a government official.
—From Assorted Language Humor, Harris Creative Group website
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