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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
Crazy Laws Probably Still Extant in Certain Countries*
In Singapore failure to flush a public toilet after use may result in a very large fine.
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In Australia it is illegal to dress up as batman.
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In Israel picking your nose on Saturday is forbidden.
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In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.
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In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.
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In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
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In Massachusetts Christmas was outlawed in 1659.
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In New Hampshire it is against the law to tap your feet, nod your head or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant or cafe.
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In England, it is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
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It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen’s image upside-down.
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It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.
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Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned in Britain.
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The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen.
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If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and needs the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter.
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In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman’s helmet.
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In Scotland it is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow.
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In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.
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Also in France it is illegal to kiss on railways.
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It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing.
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In England, it is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour.
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In Trinity College students can demand a glass of wine at any time during an exam, provided they are wearing their sword.
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It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.
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In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.
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In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.
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In England it is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises. [pubs, clubs and bars, restaurants]
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In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.
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It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.
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Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.
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In Oklahoma criminals can be fined, arrested or jailed for making faces at a dog (Barking Mad).
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In Germany it is illegal to wear a mask.
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It is illegal for a student to walk through Trinity College, Dublin, Ireland, without a sword.
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In Antwerp, Belgium, it is illegal to wear a red hat and walk down the main street.
—From the Will and Guy’s Humour Collection
*For the record and for the peace of mind of foreign tourists, please let us know soonest if any of these laws has already been repealed.
Go to Wordplay now!
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Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!
