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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
35 Zany Quotes and Sayings
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
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Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
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Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die…
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
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If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
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I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
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I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
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This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.
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I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
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If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.
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Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
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Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.
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Born free… taxed to death.
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The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
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Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
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There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
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If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
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You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
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The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
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So you’re a feminist… Isn’t that cute, honey!
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Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
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“If,” a two letter word for futility.
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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
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I’m not a complete idiot, just that some parts are missing.
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Horn broken, watch for finger.
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The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
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Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.
Go to Wordplay now!
Go to On the Job now
Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!
