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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
Funny Sayings & Witty Puns
FUNNY SAYINGS:
“The pun is mightier than the word.”
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“The road to success is always under construction.”—Lily Tomlin
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“All my life I’ve always wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific.”—Jane Wagner
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“I worry that whoever thought up the term ‘quality control’ thought if we didn’t control it, it would get out of hand.”
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“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. I’m beginning to believe it.”
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“I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.”
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“I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer.”—Pat Sajak
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“The only power you have is the word ‘no’.”—Frances McDormand
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“Art doesn’t transform. It just plain forms.”—Roy Lichtenstein
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“Attempt to get a new car for your spouse—it’ll be a great trade.”
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“Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.”
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“Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.”
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“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience... well, that comes from poor judgment.”
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Answering machine message: “You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.”
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“Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn’t mean he knows what it is.”
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“There is always light at the end of the tunnel—if there isn’t, it’s not a tunnel...”
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“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”
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“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person (Pay attention, this one never fails—although the reverse conclusion is not always true).”
WITTY PUNS:
“I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried—but they wanted cash.”
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“Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.”
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“Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.”
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“Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. (Socks can eat any place they want.)”
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“Car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.”
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“Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me?”
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“That that is, is, that that is not, is not. (Try understanding that without the commas set.)”
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“My favorite bumper sticker says: ‘All generalizations are false’.”
—From the English Language Smart Words website
Go to Wordplay now!
Go to On the Job now
Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!
