Jose Carillo's English Forum - Language Humor at Its Finest

LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST

Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.

In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.

So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!

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Translations and real sense of Anglo-EU politesse and diplomatese

Here’s an amusing collection of translations and actually intended meanings of Anglo-EU politesse and diplomatese, as compiled by Mark Liberman in his Language Log website. By definition, politesse is a formal word that means “courteous formality or politeness,” while diplomatese is, well, an informal word that means “the type of language or jargon used by diplomats, thought to be excessively complicated, cautious or vague, and described humorously as though it were a foreign language.”

Let’s see now how these phrases operate in the political and diplomatic arenas in the United Kingdom and the European Union and, of course, how they might be used by the more discerning legislators in our own Upper House and Lower House in the Philippines to explain away their alleged involvement in the massive pork-barrel scam that got exposed recently.

What the British say		What the British mean		What others understand
I hear what you say		I disagree and do not want to discuss it further		He accepts my point of view
With the greatest respect…		I think you are an idiot		He is listening to me
That's not bad		That's good		That's poor
That is a very brave proposal		You are insane		He thinks I have courage
Quite good		A bit disappointing		Quite good
I would suggest…		Do it or be prepared to justify yourself		Think about the idea, but do what you like
Oh, incidentally/ by the way		The primary purpose of our discussion is…		That is not very important
I was a bit disappointed that		I am annoyed that		It really doesn't matter
Very interesting		That is clearly nonsense		They are impressed
I'll bear it in mind		I've forgotten it already		They will probably do it
I'm sure it's my fault		It's your fault		Why do they think it was their fault?
You must come for dinner		It's not an invitation, I'm just being polite		I will get an invitation soon
I almost agree		I don't agree at all		He's not far from agreement
I only have a few minor comments		Please re-write completely		He has found a few typos
Could we consider some other options		I don't like your idea		They have not yet decided
Correct me if I'm wrong		I'm right, don't contradict me		I may be wrong, please let me know
Up to a point		Not in the slightest		Partially
French Phrase	Literal Translation		Idiomatic Translation
“je serai clair”	“I will be clear”		“I will be rude”
“Il faut la visibilité Européenne”	“We need European visibility”		“The EU must indulge in some pointless, annoying and, with luck, damaging international grand-standing.”
“Il faut trouver une solution pragmatique”	“We must find a pragmatic solution”		“Warning: I am about to propose a highly complex, theoretical, legalistic and unworkable way forward.”

—From a compilation in Mark Liberman’s Language Log

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