Jose Carillo's Forum

LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST

Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.

In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.

So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!

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What Do You Call…

They call the head of a mafia family a don. I would have called him a vice-president. So, what do you call…

…someone who is always polite? — A politician.

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…an expert on hemorrhoids? — An analyst.

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…a guy who likes to pile up dirt? — A banker.

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…a cab driver who gets under your skin? — A taxidermist.

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…a bank employee who deals with rich clients? — A fortune teller.

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…one who does not spread gossip? — A secretary.

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…one who can’t be a secretary? — A teller.

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…someone who won’t share? — A miner.

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…a decision maker? — An optimist.

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…a tall beachcomber? — A longshoreman.

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…a sidewalk engineer? — A pathologist.

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…a high school or college graduate? — A diplomat.

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…a car body shop worker? — A dentist.

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…a casino black jack dealer? — A cardiologist.

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…someone who blows with the wind? — A draftsman.

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…a lousy golfer? — A foreman.

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…the manager of a political candidate? — An electrician.

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…a currently well-grounded person? — A conductor.

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…a trampoline artist? — A bouncer.

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…someone who likes to put people away for good? — An internist.

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…a policeman in traffic? — A director.

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…a cemetery worker? — An engraver.

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…one who writes high-brow music for drama? — An operator.

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…a Caucasian philosopher? — A paleontologist.

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…one who shrinks from his responsibilities? — A contractor.

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…a parking lot attendant? — A carpenter.

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…seller of fruits and vegetables? — A producer.

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…an anemic vampire? — An umpire.

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…a straight-line guy named Bob? — A plumber.

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…someone who makes pointed remarks? — A barber.

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…a small preacher? — A minister.

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…the guy at a company who hands out pink slips? — A fireman.

From the Jim Wegryn’s “What Do You Call…” Collection

Go to Wordplay now!
Go to On the Job now
Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!

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