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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
Funny Quotes About Life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
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Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.
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The cost of living’s going up, and the chance of living’s going down.
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In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.
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Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days you will be right.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.
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Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
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Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.
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A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.
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All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
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Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.
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How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
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It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
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If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else.
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In the game of life, it’s a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
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Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
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Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
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Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
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It’s always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped.
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Life is just a phase you’re going through...you’ll get over it.
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No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
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A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me.
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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.
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Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
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The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly -- because if they don’t speak fast nobody will listen to them.
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When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
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The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
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Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
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If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I have never met anyone who wanted to save the world without my financial support.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
—From a collection in You-Can-Be-Funny.com
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Go to Miscellany now!
