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LANGUAGE HUMOR AT ITS FINEST
Making yourself more proficient in English need not be a drag. You can actually speed up the learning process and make it fun by generously lacing it with humor—but preferably the best that the English language can offer.
In this new section, apart from giving a fixed slot to our weekly “In a Lighter Vein” pop-out humor piece in the Forum homepage, we have put together the finest of those weekly humor pop-ups since the Forum started. The best of them—collected from various sources on the web and sent in by friends—are all here, posted in the Forum under the following headings: Wordplay, On the Job, Student and School Life, and Miscellany.
So if you missed any of the best of the Forum’s weekly humor pop-ups, you can enjoy and savor them again and again here—and better still, share them with your friends!
Click here to go to the board (requires registration to post)
32 Quotes with a Humorous Touch
“Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.”
—Garry Trudeau
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“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”
—Salvador Dali
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“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.”
—Jim Morrison
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“I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.”
—Gilda Radner
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“Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected.”
—Unknown
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“No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.”
—H.L. Mencken
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“Okay, so God made man first, but doesn’t everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?”
—Courtney Huston
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“Tolerance is a great trait to contain, but so is the ability to shut up.”
—Unknown
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“English is a funny language—that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway.”
—Mark Grasso
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“One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average.”
—Jonathan Fuerbringer
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“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.”
—Phil Pastoret
***
“Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.”
—George Carlin
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“Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.”
—Terry Marchal
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“Successful people are very lucky. Just ask any failure.”
—Michael Levine
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“A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.”
—Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
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“You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something.”
—H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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“Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.”
—Al Bernstein
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“We all basically go back to being children in the dentist’s chair.”
—Arthur Benjamin
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“Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”
—Robert Newton Peck
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“School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.”
—Ashley Salvati
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“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
—Scott Adams
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“Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.”
—Chuck Norris
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“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.”
—Sam Ewing
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“Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.”
—Mihaela Iosof
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“A word to the wise isn’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.”
—Bill Cosby
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“The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise.”
—Tommy Bolt
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“The man who can’t dance thinks the band is no good.”
—Polish Proverb
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“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.”
—”Smile” Zingers
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“Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.”
—Laurence J. Peter
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“Forgive your enemies—if you can’t get back at them any other way.”
—Franklin P. Jones
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“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”
—Franklin P. Jones
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“A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely.”
—Lubna Azmi
—From Amanda’s Quotes and Poetry
Go to Wordplay now!
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Go to Student and School Life now!
Go to Miscellany now!
