Author Topic: 33 Plays Wyth Wurds Plus 33 Philosophies of Hypocrisy and Ambiguity  (Read 11367 times)

Joe Carillo

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4676
  • Karma: +210/-2
    • View Profile
    • Email
33 Plays Wyth Wurds  Plus 33 Philosophies of Hypocrisy and Ambiguity

The Forum invites you to discover what happens when you unapologetically make "33 plays wyth wurds" and willingly engage in "33 philosophies of hypocrisy and ambiguity." You'll probably devilishly enjoy the whole exercise but at the same time regret getting entangled with 66 of such outlandish thoughts. This double-treat of wordplay first tickled the funnybones of early Forum members in February of 2010, and since then it has been enjoyed by more than 16,500 members and visitors to date it.

33 Plays Wyth Wurds

1. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.


IMAGE CREDIT: IMGFLIP.COM

***

2. A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

***

3. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

***

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

***

5. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

***

6. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

***

7. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

***

8. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

***

9. When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

***

10. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

***

11. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)

***

12. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


IMAGE CREDIT: GINKGOBILOBAHELP.INFO

***

13. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

***

14. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

***

15. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

***

16. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

***

17. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

***

18. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

***

19. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

***

20. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

***

21. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

***

22. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

***

23. Every calendar’s days are numbered.

***

24. A lot of money is tainted—’taint yours and ’taint mine.

***

25. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

***

26. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

***

27. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

***

28. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

***

29. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

***

30. Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

***

31. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

***

32. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

***

33. Acupuncture is a jab well done.



IMAGE CREDIT: MAKEAMEME.ORG

—From WowFunny.com


33 Philosophies of Hypocrisy and Ambiguity

1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

***

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

***

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

***

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

***

5. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?


IMAGE CREDIT: WHISPER.SH

***

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

***

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

***

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

***

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

***

10. Is there another word for “synonym”?

***

11.  Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?


IMAGE CREDIT: SLIDESERVE.COM/MIRA-SPARKS

***

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

***

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

***

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

***

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

***

16. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.  

***

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

***

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

***

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

***

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

***

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

***

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

***

23. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

***

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

***

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?


IMAGE CREDIT: PINTEREST.COM

***

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

***

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

***

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

***

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?

***

30. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

***

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

***

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

***

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?


—From WowFunny.com


BONUS:


IMAGE CREDIT: SLIDESERVE.COM/MIRA-SPARK

***




All of the wordplays in the posted collections above came from the WowFunny.com website in 2010, but the site has since gone out of the web. All the illustrated wordplays are recent additions by the Forum (March 5, 2019) and have been sourced from various image aggregation websites.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2019, 06:33:26 PM by Joe Carillo »