Jose Carillo's Forum

MY MEDIA ENGLISH WATCH

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Problems with mixed metaphors in newspaper business stories

In the usual run of the Philippine daily broadsheets, the most grammatically and semantically polished stories are often those of the business section. There’s a built-in reason for this that many readers might not know about. Many of the business stories are actually based on press releases from the big companies and institutions, most of which have well-paid English-savvy PR departments or media bureaus that fact-check and fine-tune the language of those releases many times over before their release to the media outlets. Thus, unless the business reporters and editors find it necessary to make a major rewrite of a press release, there’s very little danger of a major grammar, semantic, or structural error cropping up in the published business story.

But the situation is vastly different in the case of enterprise or featurized business stories by the paper’s business reporters or columnists themselves. Like most of the other reporters for the other newspaper sections, in-house business reporters and columnists usually start from scratch and rely largely on their own writing talent and information resources to come up with their stories. And because the typical business stories tend to be of the kind that makes for dry reading, there’s pressure on these reporters and columnists to perk up their business stories with metaphors and figurative expressions—very much like what the sports writers do jazz up their reportage of otherwise static sports events like, say, chess and badminton.

It is therefore in the staff-generated business stories that most of the grammar and semantic stumbles in the business section usually crop up, as can be seen in the following examples that I picked up from the business pages of the four major broadsheets yesterday:

Newspaper A:

(1) Business news story lead:

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.

“That’s why during periods of crisis, all kinds of scams rear their ugly heads, and people desperate to shore up their cash become more likely to fall prey to glib tongues promising to make them rich quick.”

(2) Business column lead:

“As of late, stock prices have remained strong albeit observed restraint in their upward movement in the same way it behaved last Tuesday when the market slowed down a bit following the hectic Monday trading session that sent the main index of the Philippine Stock Exchange, the PSEi, soaring by 139 points.”

(3) Editorial of provincial sister newspaper

“It may look like a tit for tat.

“The Cebu City Council has called for a congressional inquiry to look into lapses in the processing of land titles following the Balili land purchase fiasco of the provincial government where Original Certificates of Titles were issued for lots in barangay Tinaan, Naga City that turned out to be under water or planted with mangroves.”

Newspaper B:
“The Philippine economy escaped from the threat of recession as it grew 1.5 percent in the second quarter – beating most market estimates – as the government’s stimulus package boosted spending in infrastructure and social services during the period, officials said yesterday.”

Newspaper C:
(1)
“For four years and running, the Bank of the Philippine Islands (BPI) has been annually recognizing outstanding Overseas Filipinos who have brought honor to the Philippines through their achievements and success overseas. This year, BPI has chosen economist and banker Dr. Eli Remolona as a BPInoy Awardee.”

(2)
“The Energy Regulatory Commission (ERC) has approved, with modifications, the Visayas Supply Auction Augmentation (VSAA) program which is aligned as interim solution to the electricity supply woes in the area.

“In giving its go-signal to the Philippine Electricity Market Corporation (PEMC) for the scheme’s implementation, the regulator emphasized on several modifications it instituted, primarily on the pricing, the manner of administration and in evaluating the impact of such solution on the rates to be passed on to consumers.

“The entities which are allowed to participate in this voluntary supply bidding are generation companies with excess un-contracted capacity and those which are capable of offering an interruptible portion of their loads.”

(3)
“The September issue of [name of magazine] features sweet pepper as a favorite money-maker of many high-value vegetable farmers. Of course, they have good reasons for preferring to plant this crop.”

Newspaper D:
“The country’s debt servicing climbs in the first seven months due to a bond swap done earlier this year to raise fresh funds for the national government.

“Data from the Bureau of Treasury showed that debt service payments rose by 6.42 percent to P432.9 billion at end-July from P406.82 billion in the same seven-month period in 2008.”

MY CRITIQUE AND SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENTS:

Let’s now analyze each of the lead passages above and see how they can be improved.

Newspaper A:

(1) Business news story lead:

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.

“That’s why during periods of crisis, all kinds of scams rear their ugly heads, and people desperate to shore up their cash become more likely to fall prey to glib tongues promising to make them rich quick.”

The problem with the statement above is that apart from mixing metaphors, it uses metaphors whose internal logic and semantics are contradictory or whose phrasing is semantically flawed. The three metaphors in that sentence are, of course, “rear their ugly heads,” “to shore up their cash,” and “to fall prey to glib tongues.”

To begin with, to describe the scams as “rearing their ugly heads” contradicts the premise of the whole statement. The expression that the scams “rear their ugly heads” conveys ugliness that terrifies, but the intent of a scam is not to scare or turn off its intended victim; on the contrary, it aims to entice the victim to fall for its promises of great profit through all sorts of rosy inducements. Indeed, for the scam to work at all, it logically shouldn’t “rear its ugly head” but “suddenly become alluring” or “suddenly become attractive”—a statement not of repulsive ugliness but of irresistible beauty.

The expression “to shore up their cash” is likewise semantically problematic. To “shore up something” means “to prevent from sinking or sagging,” and cash is not something that sinks or sags. How does “to prevent their cash from sinking or sagging” sound? Awful! What sinks and needs shoring up is one’s finances, which is a different thing from cash. In fact, the correct figurative expression here is “to shore up their finances.”

As semantically contradictory as “rearing their ugly heads” is the negative tenor of the metaphor “to fall prey to glib tongues.” For the statement to be logically consistent, that tenor should be positive instead; it needs to convey a sense of enticement rather than victimization. Instead of “to fall prey to glib tongues,” therefore, the semantically appropriate expression here is “to be enticed by glib tongues.” Even metaphors have an internal logic of their own, and that logic needs to mesh well with the logic of the other metaphors in the statement.

So where does this analysis lead us? Let’s ponder the following metaphorically consistent reconstruction of that problematic story lead:

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.

“That’s why during periods of crisis, all kinds of scams suddenly become alluring, and people desperate to shore up their finances become more likely to be enticed by glib tongues promising to make them rich quick.”

(2) Business column lead:

As of late, stock prices have remained strong albeit observed restraint in their upward movement in the same way it behaved last Tuesday when the market slowed down a bit following the hectic Monday trading session that sent the main index of the Philippine Stock Exchange, the PSEi, soaring by 139 points.”

Let’s first take up the fundamental grammar violations of that sentence. The first violation: “as of late” is incorrect usage (there’s actually no such expression in English); the correct adverbial phrase is “of late” (which sounds archaic) or “lately” (which is the modern usage). The second violation: the use of the pronoun “it” in “it behaved” is a subject-pronoun disagreement error; since its antecedent is the plural noun “stock prices,” the correct pronoun is the plural “they” and that phrase should be “they behaved” instead.

Now for this very problematic word cluster in that sentence: “stock prices have remained strong albeit observed restraint.”

The word “albeit” for “although” sounds too fancy for comfort in a stock-market story for Philippine readers. It only serves to distract readers instead of effortlessly leading them to read the rest of the sentence.

For stock prices to “have remained strong” sounds semantically OK, but for stock prices “to have observed restraint” suspiciously sounds like unwarranted personification of “stock prices,” which of course are an inanimate thing. Stock traders might observe restraint in their buying and selling; stock prices can’t and don’t—they just go up, stay put, or go down depending on the stock traders’ buying and selling. To say that stock prices “observed restraint” is therefore too much of a stretch—false imagery, no less.

Overall, an even bigger problem with that lead sentence is that it’s a fused sentence, one that’s so difficult to understand because it improperly combines and improperly links the clause “stock prices have remained strong” and the clause “(stock prices) albeit observed restraint.” Even worse, it’s also a run-on sentence, one that could have made its meaning much clearer had it spun off the part after the phrase “last Tuesday” into another sentence.

So here’s a total rewrite of that problematic sentence based on the critique above:

Lately, stock prices have remained strong with only a slight upward movement, behaving as it did last Tuesday. That was when the market slowed down a bit following its hectic Monday trading session that sent the main index of the Philippine Stock Exchange, the PSEi, soaring by 139 points.”

(3) Editorial of provincial sister newspaper

“It may look like a tit for tat.

“The Cebu City Council has called for a congressional inquiry to look into lapses in the processing of land titles following the Balili land purchase fiasco of the provincial government where Original Certificates of Titles were issued for lots in barangay Tinaan, Naga City that turned out to be under water or planted with mangroves.”

The second paragraph above, which explains the pithy sentence before it, is actually almost grammar-perfect except for misspelling “underwater” by making it two words. But the pithy sentence itself has a grammar flaw that’s fatal.

The figurative expression “tit for tat” means “retaliation in kind”—an equivalent action done in return particularly for an injury inflicted on someone.

By itself, however, a “tit” is a vulgar word for “breast”; a “tat,” on the other hand, is by itself “a delicate handmade lace formed usually by looping and knotting with a single cotton thread and a small shuttle.”

So when we say, “It may look like a tit for tat,” that statement literally means “It may look like a breast for handmade lace.”

To be on the safe side, then, we should knock off the article “a” in “a tit for tat” for the reader to get the true figurative meaning that we want to for that phrase:

“It may look like tit for tat.”

Newspaper B:

“The Philippine economy escaped from the threat of recession as it grew 1.5 percent in the second quarter – beating most market estimates – as the government’s stimulus package boosted spending in infrastructure and social services during the period, officials said yesterday.”

The lead sentence above has two grammar problems: the inappropriate use of the phrase “escaped from the threat of recession,” and the double-layered use of the coordinate clauses “as it grew 1.5 percent in the second quarter” and “as the government’s stimulus package boosted spending…”

Do you “escape from a threat”? Do you “escape a threat”? Neither. Both statements are grammatically flawed. The correct expression is “avoid a threat.” So the grammatically correct way to say it in that sentence is, “avoided the threat of recession”; better still, “avoided falling into recession.”

Now, as a rule, it’s generally bad grammar practice to string out two or more “as” coordinate clauses and link them to the main coordinate clause—which is what the writer did in that problematic sentence. Sentences tend to become fuzzy as a result. It is therefore more advisable to find and use other suitable conjunctions—whether coordinating or subordinating—to link those coordinate clauses; we can even consider breaking up the sentence into two to make its ideas clearer to the reader.

This is precisely what I did in the total rewrite below:

“The Philippine economy avoided falling into recession when it grew 1.5 percent in the second quarter, beating most market estimates. Officials said this performance was due to the government’s stimulus package that boosted spending in infrastructure and social services during the period.”

Newspaper C:

(1)
For four years and running, the Bank of the Philippine Islands (BPI) has been annually recognizing outstanding Overseas Filipinos who have brought honor to the Philippines through their achievements and success overseas. This year, BPI has chosen economist and banker Dr. Eli Remolona as a BPInoy Awardee.”

The first sentence of this lead paragraph has one grammar error and one semantic error.

The grammar error is its improper use of the prepositional expression “for four years and running.” The correct expression is “four years running” without the “and”—meaning that the same thing has happened for four consecutive years nonstop.

The semantic error is its use of the phrase “has been annually recognizing outstanding Overseas Filipinos.” It gives the wrong sense that the same outstanding overseas Filipinos are being awarded every year over and over again. The problem is largely due to the troublesome adverb “annually,” which is a redundancy to begin with and is better dropped altogether.

Here’s the problematic sentence as corrected:

For four years running, the Bank of the Philippine Islands (BPI) has recognized outstanding Filipinos who have brought honor to the Philippines through their achievements and success overseas.

(2)

“The Energy Regulatory Commission (ERC) has approved, with modifications, the Visayas Supply Auction Augmentation (VSAA) program which is aligned as interim solution to the electricity supply woes in the area.

“In giving its go-signal to the Philippine Electricity Market Corporation (PEMC) for the scheme’s implementation, the regulator emphasized on several modifications it instituted, primarily on the pricing, the manner of administration and in evaluating the impact of such solution on the rates to be passed on to consumers.

“The entities which are allowed to participate in this voluntary supply bidding are generation companies with excess un-contracted capacity and those which are capable of offering an interruptible portion of their loads.”

Let’s first take up the basic grammar problems of the above passage. Three times in a row, it wrongly uses the nonrestrictive relative pronoun “which” in constructions that require the restrictive relative pronoun “that” instead. Then it hyphenates the word “uncontracted”; modern spelling and most newspaper stylebooks prescribe that such words shouldn’t he hyphenated. Finally, it wrongly uses the word “aligned” for what should be “designed” or “meant to be” instead.

Now to the bigger problem. The construction of the second paragraph is fuzzy and confusing because of poor phraseology, bad word choices, and extreme wordiness. It needs a total rewrite.

Here’s a suggested reconstruction of that problematic passage:

“The Energy Regulatory Commission (ERC) has approved the Visayas Supply Auction Augmentation (VSAA) program for implementation with some modifications. The program is designed to be an interim solution to the electricity supply woes in the Visayas region.

“The Philippine Electricity Market Corporation (PEMC) got the go-signal to implement the program on condition that specific changes be made in its pricing and manner of administration and that it would evaluate the impact of the VSAA on the pass-on rates to consumers.

“The entities allowed to participate in this voluntary supply bidding are power generation companies with excess uncontracted capacity and those capable of offering an interruptible portion of their loads.”

(3)

“The September issue of [name of magazine] features sweet pepper as a favorite money-maker of many high-value vegetable farmers. Of course, they have good reasons for preferring to plant this crop.”

The first sentence of the above lead paragraph has two grammar problems, one minor and the other semantically serious. The first problem is its hyphenation of the word “money-maker”; most dictionaries and stylebooks now prescribe the unhyphenated “moneymaker.” The second problem is the erroneous modification in the phrase “many high-value vegetable farmers.” It’s not the farmers that have “high-value,” which is the meaning that the phrase construction conveys; it’s the vegetables that those farmers are planting.

Here’s that problematic passage as corrected:

“The September issue of [name of magazine] features sweet pepper as a favorite moneymaker of many farmers of high-value vegetables. Of course, they have good reasons for preferring to plant this crop.”

Newspaper D:

The country’s debt servicing climbs in the first seven months due to a bond swap done earlier this year to raise fresh funds for the national government.

“Data from the Bureau of Treasury showed that debt service payments rose by 6.42 percent to P432.9 billion at end-July from P406.82 billion in the same seven-month period in 2008.”

The first paragraph of the passage above has two grammar problems: the fuzzy phrasing of “the country’s debt servicing climbs in the first seven months,” and the misuse of the present tense for the verb “climbs.” Its first sentence also has a content problem: there is no measure or indicator at all for the magnitude of the climb, thus making the statement insubstantial.

I would recommend a major revamp of the whole passage to fix both its grammar problems and the insubstantial character of its lead sentence. Here goes:

“Data from the Bureau of Treasury showed that the country’s debt service payments rose by 6.42 percent to P432.9 billion at end-July from P406.82 billion in the same seven-month period in 2008.

“The growth in debt service payments was due to a bond swap done by the bureau earlier this year to raise fresh funds for the national government.”      

We’re finally done with this week’s media watch.

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