Jose Carillo's Forum

USE AND MISUSE

The Use and Misuse section is open to all Forum members for discussing anything related to English grammar and usage. It invites and encourages questions and in-depth discussions about any aspect of English, from vocabulary and syntax to sentence structure and idiomatic expressions. It is, of course, also the perfect place for relating interesting experiences or encounters with English use and misuse at work, in school, or in the mass media.



I’m sure you’ll love this hilarious but very instructive piece on language misuse. It was e-mailed to me by Forum member Rocky Avila last May 6, 2011. For readers who don’t understand Tagalog (the text set in italics), I have provided an English translation at the tail end of this posting. Enjoy!—Joe Carillo

Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
(“Inday ng Buhay Natin”)

Nawawala si Inday ngayon, kanyo? Nawawala nga. Ito, ikukuwento ko sa inyo, ang bahagi ng kanyang nagdaan sa bahay ng kanyang amo at may update din ako kung ano ang nangyari sa kanya:

Magsimula tayo noong mag-apply si Inday ng trabaho sa naging amo niya. Dumaan sa interview si Inday.

Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para  maglinis ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, mamalantsa, mamalengke, at  magbantay sa mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will significantly contribute to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity,  productivity, and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.

[Nag-nosebleed ang amo pero tinanggap naman ng amo si Inday.]

Makaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang  amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.

Amo: Inday, bakit may bukol si Junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well-engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ. Moreover, if you look more closely, he has rashes, too.

Amo: Ha?!!? Bakit?

Inday: Elementary, ma’am. Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs in the reaction site & release of chemotactic & anaphylotoxin histamine & prostaglandins. This substance results in incomplete circulation to the site, promoting redness.

Amo: Ah, ganon ba? O, sige, ok. Sori, ha? [Sabay pahid ng kanyang dugo sa ilong]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan…

Amo: Inday, bakit naman maalat ang ulam natin?

Inday: The consistency is fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride… the scientific name of which is NaCl…affected the taste drastically and the chemical reactions are irreversible.  I do apologize.

[Nosebleed na naman ang ilong]

Amo: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nararatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?!

Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

[This time may kasabay pang himatay ang nosebleed.]

Isang gabi, may nag-text kay Inday—si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay. Gustong makipagtext- mate. . .

Inday (to driver): To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request is irrevocable denial.

Driver (to Inday): Inday, your perception has no substantial bearing on what the deep recesses of my being is contemplating. May I therefore assiduously move for your benevolent reconsideration. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily experiences. Heretofore, however, if you so desire, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from me!

Eh, narinig pala lahat-lahat ng amo ang pag-uusap nina Inday at ng driver.

Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng gobbledygook na Ingles sa pamamahay ko. Bakit di ka bumili ng libro ni Jose A. Carillo na English Plain and Simple? Reasonable price lang. Kung di mo kayang bumili dahil kuripot ka, hayaan mo’t ibibili kita. Ang sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko, palalayasin ko sa pamamahay na ito pagkatapos kong basagin ang bunganga!

Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong bibig ay mataman kong ilalagak sa kasuluk-sulukan ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, at palagi kong gugunam-gunamin. Sakbibi ng madlang lumbay kung mapapalis sa gunita yaring inyong tinuran.

Amo: Leche! Hindi kami sinauna! Ayaw ko ring makarinig ng gobbledygook na Tagalog! Yung  makabagong wika at salita ang gusto kong gagamitin dito sa bahay ko!!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!

[Nasa ospital na raw ang amo. At hindi na ngayon mahagilap si Inday.]

---------
HERE’S AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF THAT DIALOGUE:

“Inday of Our Life”

You say that Inday is missing? Indeed she is! So here, I’ll tell you the story of her past work in her lady employer’s household and I’ll also give you an update of what happened to her.

Let’s start when Inday applied for work with her employer. She had to go through a job interview.

Lady Employer: We need a househelp to keep the house clean, cook, do the laundry, iron clothes, do the groceries, and take care of the children. Can you do all that?

Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will significantly contribute to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity,  productivity, and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.

[The employer had nosebleed listening to all that English gobbledygook, but she hired Inday nevertheless. (“Nosebleed” is slang for being assaulted with hard-to-understand language.) ]

After two days, the employer came home and found her son Junior with a big lump in the head.

Lady Employer: Inday, why does Junior have a big lump in the head?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well-engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ. Moreover, if you look more closely, he has rashes, too.

Lady Employer: What?!!? Why?

Inday: Elementary, ma’am. Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs in the reaction site & release of chemotactic & anaphylotoxin histamine & prostaglandins. This substance results in incomplete circulation to the site, promoting redness.

Lady Employer: Oh, really? Well, OK. I’m sorry then. [She wipes the blood from her nose.]

That evening, at dinner…

Lady Employer: Inday, why is our food salty?

Inday: The consistency is fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride… the scientific name of which is NaCl…affected the taste drastically and the chemical reactions are irreversible.  I do apologize.

[The lady employer gets nosebleed again.]

Lady employer: Why is it that whenever I come home, I always catch you watching TV?! 

Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

[This time the employer not only gets nosebleed but faints.]

One night, somebody sent Inday a text message—Dodong, the neighbor’s driver. He wanted to be Inday’s textmate… 

Inday (to driver): To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request is irrevocable denial.

Driver (to Inday): Inday, your perception has no substantial bearing on what the deep recesses of my being is contemplating. May I therefore assiduously move for your benevolent reconsideration. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily experiences. Heretofore, however, if you so desire, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from me!

[Well, it so happened that the lady employer heard every word of the conversation between Inday and the driver.]

Lady Employer: From now on, I won’t allow anybody to speak in gobbledygook in this household anymore. Why don’t you buy Jose Carillo’s book, English Plain and Simple? The price is reasonable. If you can’t afford it because you’re a cheapskate, let me buy you a copy. Whoever gives me and my children nosebleed again, I’ll smash her mouth and drive her out of this house!

Inday: (Roughly, her reply in Tagalog gobbledygook translates to English as follows): The words that issued from your lips I’ll keep in the deepest recesses of my mind, in the innermost sanctums of my my heart, and I’ll always ponder them ever so deeply. I’ll be very sad and it would be most unfortunate indeed if what you said gets erased from my memory.)

Lady Employer: Damn! We’re not old-timers here! I forbid you also to speak in Tagalog gobbledygook! What I want to hear in this house is modern-day language using modern-day words!!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!*

[The lady employer was hospitalized after this conversation. Inday is nowhere to be found.]

----------
*This is deep, demeaning gayspeak describing the lady employer as, among other insults, fat and haughty.

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When three almost identical headlines say different things

Question sent in by e-mail by Ms. Ivy Mendoza (April 25, 2011):

Hello Mr. Carillo,

Which is correct among the three newspapers below with almost identical heads for their banner stories?

News Headlines

My reply to Ms. Ivy Mendoza:

Let’s take a closer look at those three news headlines in text form:

Manila Bulletin: Hopes dim for miners
Philippine Daily Inquirer: Hope dims for survivors
Philippine Star: Hopes dim for 17 miners

As headlines go, given the grammatical liberties usually taken by headline writers and the tolerance of readers for imprecise English in headlines, I think all three headlines do a fairly good job of capturing the essence of that news story in capsule form.

Grammatically and semantically, however, I think only the Manila Bulletin and Philippine Star versions would pass the litmus test. In these two headlines, “Hopes dim for miners” and “Hopes dim for 17 miners,” the word “dim” has the virtue of being interpreted either as an adjective in the sense of “faint” or as a verb in the sense of “to become faint.” When we think of “dim” as an adjective, the noun “hopes” can be taken as a subject (in the abstract sense of “expectations”) modified by “dim for miners” as an adjective phrase. In this sense, the act of “hoping” in that headline can be attributed to everybody who has a stake in the survival of the miners buried by the landslide: the miners themselves and their kin, the mining company, and the public at large. On the other hand, when we think of “dim” as a verb in that headline, the word “hopes” can be taken as a noun that does the intransitive action of “dimming.” In this alternative sense of that headline, the noun “hopes” can likewise be understood as the collective action of everybody who has a stake in the survival of the buried miners.

I would say, though, that the Philippine Star headline is more semantically precise than the Manila Bulletin’s because it qualified the reference of the headline only to the “17 miners” and not to all the miners who figured in that landslide. This semantic qualification is significant in that the miners who survived that landslide should, strictly speaking, no longer be counted among the objects of the hopes of being rescued.

Now, as to the Philippine Inquirer’s headline, “Hope dims for survivors,” it suffers from a semantic wrinkle because of its use of “dims” as a verb and of “hope” as the doer of the action of that verb. In that headline, the sense is not made clear as to who is doing the “hoping.” The apparent intent of that headline, though, seems to be that the “survivors” are the ones doing the “hoping,” but we can see right away that this is a wrong idea because the known “survivors” of that landslide are alive, already above ground,  and no longer needs rescuing.

One cure I can see for this semantic wrinkle is to rewrite that Inquirer headline as follows: “Hope for survivors dims.” In this construction, the noun phrase “hope for survivors” clearly becomes the subject followed by “dim” as an intransitive verb. Here, it’s clear that what has dimmed is the expectation of saving more of the buried miners, and that it isn’t the “survivors” who are doing the “hoping” but everybody who has a stake in the survival of those buried miners.

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Identifying sentences by type and their direct and indirect objects

Question by Sky, Forum member (April 11, 2011):

1. “Could you give me some advice and tell me how to deal with the dilemma?”
2. “Some upperclassmen have warned us that no one can expect to get passing grades without efforts.”
3. “My excellent performances in high school kept me in the headmaster's honor list.”

What are the direct and indirect objects of the sentences above?
What is the usage of "that" in sentence 2?
How can we apply the S+V+O1+O2 (Subject+Verb+Object1+Object2)?

My reply to Sky:

Regarding your questions, Sky:

Sentence 1: “Could you give me some advice and tell me how to deal with the dilemma?”

This is a compound sentence with two coordinate clauses in the interrogative mood, linked by the coordinating conjunction “and”:
(a) Coordinate clause 1: “Could you give me some advice?”—subject: “you”; verb: “give”; indirect object: “me”; direct object: “some advice”
(b) Coordinate clause 2: “(Could you) tell me how to deal with the dilemma?”—subject: “you”; verb: “tell”; indirect object: “me”; direct object: the noun phrase “how to deal with the dilemma.”

Sentence 2: “Some upperclassmen have warned us that no one can expect to get passing grades without efforts.”

This is a complex sentence that consists of a main clause and a subordinate clause linked by the subordinating conjunction “that” :
(a) Main clause: “ Some upperclassmen have warned us”—subject: “upperclassmen”; verb: “have warned”; direct object: “us.”
(b) Subordinate clause: “that no one can expect to get passing grades without efforts”—subject: “no one”; verb: “expect” with modal “can”; direct object: the infinitive phrase “to get passing grades without efforts”

Sentence 3: “My excellent performances in high school kept me in the headmaster's honor list.”

This is a simple sentence consisting of the following:
(a) Subject: the noun phrase “my excellent performances in high school”
(b) Verb: “kept”
(c) Direct object: “me”
(d) Prepositional phrase: “in the headmaster's honor list” (functioning as an adverbial phrase modifying the verb “kept”)

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What do we do with Manny Pacquiao’s far from perfect English?

Manny Pacquiao is no doubt the world’s greatest and most accomplished boxer today, but some people don’t look kindly at the far-from-perfect English grammar they are seeing in his Twitter account.

In “Pacman blasts grammar critics,” a news story by Barry Viloria in abs-cbnNEWS.com datelined March 17, 2011, Pacquiao is reported to have retorted on Twitter: “Its doesn’t matter of the grammar as long they understand the message thanks.”

Manny Pacquiao
DEWEY NICKS FOR TIME MAGAZINE

The news story quotes Pacquiao as having continued his Tweet: “Tyong lhat pinoy ang slita ntin ay tgalog we should use our language we’re nt american, jpan,chna,atbp. They’re using there own language…We should proud in our language that’s the real pinoy yan ang tama thank you God Bless everyone.”1

It’s for this English that Pacquiao has been the target of some harsh criticism, among them this posting by someone who goes by the username tugakbatan: “It is the perception of a majority of Filipinos that ‘fluency’ in the English Language is the yardstick for education and/or intelligence. Kaya naman itong si Congressman Pakyaw ay English nang English kahit na mali-mali ang grammar. Pare ‘Tagalog’ na lang. Kagaya ni Lito Lapid. Bakit? Ano ba ang gusto mong palabasin? Alam naman namin na hindi masyadung malayo a narating mo sa pag-aaral. Pero sikat ka naman at sa buong mundo pa at naging congressman ka rin. Pare, I think there is nothing that you should prove more. Bibihira ang Filipinong maka-achieved nang ganyan. Kaya, mag-Tagalog ka nalang. No offense.”2

But Pacquiao and his English are definitely not lacking in defenders, among them someone with ther username 1STSACPCSAF who made this posting: “Leave Manny alone he’ll get better down the road Are’nt you guys proud we have a kababayan3 like Manny If you don't have any good things to say about Manny move to Africa and root for Monkeyweather.”

And this posting by jimsangco that’s summarily dismissive of the critics of Pacquiao’s English: “Wag mong intindihin un hayaan mo n lng sya...at hindi mo kelangan magpaliwanag at humingi ng pasensya...dahil pinoy k at tagalog ang language natin period.”4
------------
1This mix of Tagalog and English roughly translates into English as follows: “All of us Pinoys [Filipinos] speak Tagalog. We should use our language. We aren’t Americans, Japanese, Chinese, or others who use their own language…We should be proud of our language. That’s the real Pinoy, that’s the correct way. Thank you and God bless everyone.”

2The second to the last sentence of this passage roughly translates into English as follows: “But Congressman Pakyaw persists in speaking in English despite his faulty grammar. Chum, why not just speak in Tagalog. Like Lito Lapid [another congressman in the Philippines]. What are you trying to prove? After all, we know that you have not gone far in your formal education. Still, you are famous the world over and you have become a congressman besides. Chum, I think there is nothing that you should prove more. It’s so rare for a Filipino to have achieved that much. So please just speak in Tagalog. No offense.”

3The word kababayan is Tagalog for countryman.

4This Tagalog roughly translates into English as follows: “Don’t mind them and just let them be…and you don’t have to explain and say you’re sorry…because you are Pinoy and Tagalog is our language. Period.”

P.S. (March 23, 2011) The latest is that Manny Pacquiao has closed his Twitter account after a tiff with people who expressed dismay over his latest Tweets.

Read "Piqued Pacquiao throws in the towel on Twitter" in GMANewsOnline now!

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The present progressive often denotes immediate future action

Question e-mailed by Miss Mae (March 13, 2011):

Dear Mr. Carillo,

Good day, Sir!

I just wondered. In your post replying to a question I sent by e-mail last week, “A Forum member’s comments on GMA 7’s ‘concised reporting’,” you changed “we are subscribing” to “we subscribe.” I thought the past progressive tense works just fine in that sentence.

Here is that part of my letter:

I tried to look for a copy of that commercial for your review but was not able to find one. Unfortunately too, we are subscribing to a different cable program to record one; I just happen to be in somebody else's house that day.

And here is the edited version:

I tried to look for a copy of that commercial for your review but was not able to find one. Unfortunately, too, we subscribe to a different cable program so I was not able to make a tape-recording of that TV ad. (I just happened to be in somebody else’s house that day when I saw that ad.)

Of course, I do not have any doubt that you were right. I just wish to understand what I thought I had done properly. 

Respectfully,
Miss Mae

My reply to Miss Mae:

Dear Miss Mae,

In English, the present progressive form of an intransitive verb like “subscribe” very often conveys intent or a plan to do or undertake something in the immediate future. When we say “We are subscribing to The Manila Times,” for example, the sense is that of the future tense “We will subscribe to The Manila Times sometime soon” and not the continuing sense of the present tense “We subscribe to The Manila Times.” For this reason, if we receive the service of a cable-TV provider regularly on order, we don’t say “We are subscribing to a different cable-TV provider” (which means you intend to change your cable-TV provider with another one) but say “We subscribe to a different cable-TV provider” instead.

With my best wishes,
Joe Carillo

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Is the question “Are you writing?” grammatically correct?

Question sent in by e-mail by Grace N. Toralde (February 20, 2011):

Dear Sir,

I would just like to ask something. Is the question “Are you writing?” correct?

If I ask someone “Are you writing also?”, am I using the correct tense?

My reply to Grace:

The question “Are you writing?” can be taken to mean in at least two ways. 

The first is in the context of the speaker asking the person who is unseen or isn’t physically present—perhaps the question is asked over the phone or through a letter or e-mail—if he or she is currently doing some form of professional writing like, say, literature or journalism. The speaker knows that the person being addressed is a writer by profession or avocation and by asking that question, wants confirmation that the person being addressed is, in fact, pursuing that profession or avocation.  

The second sense of “Are you writing?” is in the context of the speaker asking the person face to face if he or she is going to write the speaker sometime soon, in the same sense as that of the sentence “Will you write me soon?” or “Will you write me sometime soon?” In this particular case, the speaker is using the interrogative progressive tense form as the semantic equivalent of the interrogative future tense form—a usage that’s perfectly acceptable among native English speakers.

Both of the two senses above of the question “Are you writing?” likewise apply to the question “Are you writing also?” This time, however, the speaker is asking another person the same question he or she had earlier asked someone, and this someone happens to be within hearing distance when the question is asked the second time around. The adverb “also” is added by the speaker to convey the idea that the person he had earlier asked that question answered in the affirmative.

In all the situations described above, the questions “Are you writing?” and “Are you writing also?” are grammatically correct and in the right tense.

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What’s the correct usage for the verbs “brought” and “taken”?

Question from Isabel Escoda in Hong Kong (February 13, 2011):

Hey Joe—I hope you can help me out regarding a verb that’s been bothering me for a long time, one which I believe is always used in the wrong way by Pinoy journalists. It’s the past tense of the verb “bring”—“brought.”

Today a friend in Manila forwarded an article about Gen. Angelo Reyes who committed suicide.   The story had that pesky word in this sentence: “His body will be BROUGHT to Camp Aguinaldo…”

Shouldn’t the verb be TAKEN since the reporter is writing about something that isn’t being delivered to HIM (the reporter) but to somewhere else? In other words, someone BRINGS something to me, while one TAKES something to a point away from me. Am I explaining this clearly?

Other journalistic examples: “He was BROUGHT to the police station” is always used (when it should be TAKEN); “She was BROUGHT to the hospital”—again, that should be TAKEN.  One is dealing with coming and going—so why do folks get this wrong so often?

Cheers,
Isabel

My reply to Isabel:

The verbs “bring” and “take” are actually synonymous in the sense of “to convey, lead, carry, or cause to go or come along to another place,” but the choice between the two depends on the point of view or position of the speaker in relation to the action described. When the movement is clearly toward the place from which the action is being regarded or where the speaker is, was, or will be, “bring” is conventionally used, as in “Bring your friend here” and “Your mother brought me a slice of carrot cake yesterday.” On the other hand, when the movement is clearly away from which the action is being regarded or where the speaker is, was, or will be, “take” is conventionally used, as in “Take your friend to the zoo” and “Your sister took some gardenias from my garden this morning.”

In the case of most news stories, however, the speaker is usually an absent third-person narrator objectively describing the action; as such, he or she is an observer who makes it a point not to get involved or doesn’t intrude into the action. In short, in news told objectively, the news reporter is neither here nor there, and this is when the usual distinctions between “bring” and “take” no longer apply. Such is the case of the news reporter who, as you quoted from that article about Gen. Angelo Reyes’s suicide, wrote “His body will be brought to Camp Aguinaldo…” Now, you ask if “brought” is incorrectly used here and if “taken” should be used instead. I think that from the news reporter’s point of view as an absent spectator, “brought” and “taken” are both correct and can be used interchangeably. 

For the same reason, the two other journalistic examples you presented, “He was BROUGHT to the police station” and “She was BROUGHT to the hospital,” are also grammatically airtight, but, of course, so are these versions that use “taken” instead of “brought”: “He was TAKEN to the police station” and “She was TAKEN to the hospital.” From the standpoint of the objective reporter, the “brought” versions and the “taken” versions aren’t dealing with coming and going. Indeed, they are not dealing with actions towards or away from the speaker, but with lateral actions in front of his eyes, as if on a stage tableau. In such situations, as I said earlier, the distinctions between “bring” and “take” don’t apply.

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How do we use the word “occupation” in a sentence?

Question from nostalgic haze, new Forum member (February 10, 2011):

I read someone use this word like this: “My occupation is a teacher.” But I think “My occupation is that of a teacher” and “My occupation is teaching” sound more correct.

Could anyone help me with this? I can't find any credible source online for this one.

My reply to nostalgic haze:

By definition, an “occupation” is an activity one engages in or is the principal business of one’s life, and the noun “teacher” means one who teaches or whose occupation is to instruct. To say “My occupation is a teacher” is therefore grammatically and semantically wrong. It erroneously makes the activity of teaching equivalent to the person who engages in it. Of course, the alternative statements you suggested, “My occupation is that of a teacher” and “My occupation is teaching,” sound correct, but they are grammatically and semantically correct to a fault.

We must take note here that the first-person statement “My occupation is a teacher” is a typical flawed response to this question: “What is your occupation?” The correct, natural, and straightforward response to that question is, of course, “I’m a teacher” or simply “Teaching.” To say “My occupation is that of a teacher” or “My occupation is teaching” is too agonizingly correct and stilted, and I must say that the English of the teacher who talks that way leaves much to be desired.

Rejoinder from nostalgic haze:

Thank you for the explanation, sir.

I was wondering how to use this in a simple sentence to show ESL students the meaning of the word. Can I just use “My occupation is teaching”?

(By the way, I am not a teacher. I'm just helping out in editing some ESL materials.)

My reply to this rejoinder:

Yes, of course, you can use “My occupation is teaching” to show ESL students what the word “occupation” means. I just want to point out that while grammatically correct, it's not an idiomatic way to talk. When asked about their occupation or when they want to introduce themselves, native English speakers who are teachers normally would use this simple declarative sentence: “I teach” or “I’m a teacher.”

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Grabbing readers with the first paragraph

Mr. Charlie Agatep, president and CEO of the public relations firm Agatep Associates Inc. and group chairman of Euro RSCG Manila, would like to share with Forum members this e-mail that he sent to the company staff to help improve their writing skills: 

This is intended for our writers mainly, but I thought we could all learn from the words and wisdom of Jeanette Smith (The New Publicity Kit) and William Zinsser (On Writing Well)—as they stress the importance of the first few paragraphs, or the lead.

In any form of writing—whether a PR letter proposal, an invitation letter to President Benigno Aquino III, or a feature article for Canon products—the importance of the lead cannot be overstated.

William Zinsser said: “The most important sentence in any article is the first one. If it doesn't
induce the reader to proceed to the second sentence, your article is dead. And if the second sentence doesn't induce him to continue to the third sentence, it is equally dead.”

The length of the lead could be one or two paragraphs; there is no pat answer. But it must capture the reader immediately and “force him to keep reading.”

In writing a feature article, Jeanette Smith quotes Hugh Mulligan: “There is no set pattern for beginning a feature story. But there is one decree. The lead must grab the readers’ attention. In other words, good feature writers ‘bait their hooks’ in their leads, then follow up with facts (the five W’s) later throughout the story.

On the difference between a straight news story and a feature story

In a news story you have to be objective, meaning that you are not supposed to insert your opinion. You can’t say, “He was a remarkable fellow.” Hindi pwede ang opinionated sentence.

But in a feature story, there is no requirement to be objective. No need to aim for that lean, brief writing style that marks a news article A feature story aims to entertain or instruct...in that sense it is like a short story, “it must read smoothly, build in intensity, and carry the reader along right
to an end that is a climax.”

A feature story is not written in the inverted pyramid style. You can begin your feature story with the human side of the news, perhaps in a conversational style, like, say, “You’ll never guess who I met today.”

Or, writing about cheaper medicines, you could start as follows: “This is hard to believe. A year ago the cost of a tablet of 5mg Norvasc (generic amlodipine for high blood pressure) was PhP44. Now you can buy the same tablet for only PhP 2.75! That’s a 93.75% decrease in cost.”

So guys, let’s examine our first paragraphs, whether it’s in a PR proposal or in a feature story, and unless those first paragraphs can create some “commotion” in the reader’s mind, let’s make it a point to do a rewrite.

The beginning paragraph of The Stranger by Albert Camus, Nobel Prize Laureate for Literature, starts this way: “Mother died today. Or perhaps yesterday, I don’t know. I received a telegram from the home: ‘Your mother passed away. Funeral tomorrow. Sincerely yours…’ That doesn’t mean anything. Perhaps it was yesterday.”

I hope to see better first paragraphs in our future articles or letters.

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