In the Garden of Eden
IMAGE CREDIT: BLOGTALKRADIO.COMOne day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“What’s a ‘man,’ Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will provide you with companionship and satisfy your desires. Yet, he’ll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.”
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the catch, Lord?”
“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring. So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. So, just remember: it’s our secret. Woman to Woman.”
—From SomeJokes.com***
Sherlock Holmes Under the Starlight
IMAGE CREDIT: PINTEREST.COMSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute, then said: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The Lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot, a thief has stolen our tent.”
—From AFunnyStuff.com***
The Linguist
IMAGE CREDIT: KOREANEXPLORER.COM.SGA Swiss man visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, können Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries.
The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Aussie turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn another language.”
“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four, and it didn’t do him any good.”
—Source Unknown
