34 Business Jokes and Quotes to Perk Up Our Dreary Days

[Joe Carillo]

34 Business Jokes and Quotes to Perk Up Our Dreary Days


The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.—J.K.Galbraith



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Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.—George Soros

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I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

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If Thomas Edison went to business school, we would all be reading by bigger candles.—Mark McCormack



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A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

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If at first you don’t succeed: try management.

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The Egyptian financial markets are riddled with Pyramid schemes.



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The only way to make killing on the stock market is to shoot your broker.

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Economics is the only profession where you can gain great eminence without ever being right.

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They have two tellers in my bank, except when it’s busy they have one.



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In business remember that nobody can do your thinking for you. Remember I taught you that.

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An economist is someone who, by looking out of the rear window of a car, can tell the driver where he is going.—Clive Wismayer

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I’ve put something aside for a rainy day. It’s an umbrella.



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Sorry to hear that daylight savings is the only savings you have left.

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In other news, Sweden’s credit rating has been downgraded from AAA to ABBA.

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Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first?
A: The Taxpayer.

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I’ve written books on advertising – cheque books.—Alan Sugar

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I am having an out of money experience.



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For some time I’ve been speculating on commodities: heavily buying into both the Coffee and Chocolate markets.

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I used to have two employees in my fart cushion business, but I had to let one go.

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It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank.—Bertolt Brecht



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It’s unfortunate we can’t buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.—Malcolm Forbes

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I never touched Elvis’s money. He got his half.—Tom Parker

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They say money talks, but all it ever said to me was goodbye.



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My bank lets me send a text message and it’ll text back with my balance. It’s a cool feature but I didn’t think the LOL was necessary.

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True wealth is not comparing yourself to others, but enjoying what you have. Especially when you have more than everyone else.

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Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms.

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A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.



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By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

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If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

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Win your lawsuit: lose your money.

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A successful lawsuit is one worn by a policeman.—Robert Frost



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By the time I’ve paid for this furniture, it will be antique.

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Our furniture goes back to Louis XIV, unless we pay Louis before the 14th.

—From a collection in About Short-Jokes-Quotes.com