33 Unforgettable Insults from Masters of the English Language“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”—Winston Churchill
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“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”—Clarence Darrow
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“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”—William Faulkner referring to Ernest Hemingway
“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”—Ernest Hemingway referring to William Faulkner
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“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”—Groucho Marx
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“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”—Mark Twain
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“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”—Oscar Wilde
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“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.”—George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.”—Winston Churchill ‘s response to George Bernard Shaw
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“I feel so miserable without you; it ‘s almost like having you here.”—Stephen Bishop
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“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”—John Bright
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“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”—Irvin S. Cobb
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“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”—Samuel Johnson
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“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”—Paul Keating
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“He had delusions of adequacy.”—Walter Kerr
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“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”—Mark Twain
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“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”—Mae West
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“Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”—Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
“Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!”—Winston Churchill ‘s response to Lady Astor
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“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”—Moses Hadas
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“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”—Jack E. Leonard
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“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”—Robert Redford
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“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”—Thomas Brackett Reed
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“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”—James Reston referring to Richard Nixon
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“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”—Charles, Count Talleyrand
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“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”—Forrest Tucker
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“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of anyone I know.”—Abraham Lincoln
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“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts—for support rather than illumination.”—Andrew Lang
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“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”—Billy Wilder
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”—Oscar Wilde
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“You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows.”—The Earl of Sandwich
“That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles.”—John Wilkes’s response to The Earl of Sandwich
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“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”—Winston Churchill
—From Smilespedia's Encyclopedia of Humor
