50 Puns About Crime and Lawbreakers

[Joe Carillo]

50 Puns About Crime and Lawbreakers

Savor with a grain of salt these 50 facetiously tart wordplays about criminals and lawbreakers and their just desserts. After reading them, you'll no longer wonder precisely what it is about criminality and criminals that makes them and tales about them so arresting.

1.
         

***

2. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

***
   
3. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.

***
   
4. The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.

***
   
5. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

***
   
6. Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas. DZ - Everson

***

7. Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be! Fun Puns

***

8. A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying, “Give me all the cashew have.”

***
   
9. What do you call a arrogant fugitive falling from a building? Condescending. Ricdaddy - Ohio

***

10. Prison walls are never built to scale.   

***

11. A man stole a case of soap from the corner store. The police said he made a clean getaway.
Ironhorse - North of Boston

***

12. When the gunman walked in, he turned the store into a flee market. NickV - Ohio

***

13. Two robbers with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.

***
   
14. When the man was shot with a BB gun the case ended up in a pellet court.   

***

15. They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted.   

***

16. The only similarity between ancient times and the 1970's is that both were full of people getting stoned.   

***

17. Some burglars are always looking for windows of opportunity.   

***

18. Old burglars never die; they just steal away.   

***

19. While stealing from a blood bank, the thief was caught red-handed.   

***

20. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

***

21. A sign at a cemetery reads, “No Trespassing, Violators Will Face Grave Charges.” Maurice - Greensboro, NC

***

22. The warden gave the inmates acne medicine hoping it would keep them from breaking out.
Carmody - MA

***

23. After the transvestite escaped from prison the only thing the police could tell the press was that she was still a broad. Gen

***

24. Two crooks bought a hotel. They were innmates.   

***

25. Employed by his jailbird father-in-law, a guy soon realized that when an in-law works for an outlaw, income depends on outcome.   

***

26. What you seize is what you get.   

***

27. He threw jello at his wife, who had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon.   

***

28. A clean thief always makes a stainless steal.   

***

29. Looting a drugstore is called pillaging.   

***

30. A lingerie thief gave a police officer the slip.

***

31. A basketball player and a jockey just robbed the bank. Police are looking high and low.   

***

32. Vandalism is just a stone’s throw away.   

***

33. Some prison inmates fell into poison ivy and started a rash of breakouts. Maurice - Greensboro, N.C.

***

34. Vandals destroyed many road signs. They really pulled out all the stops.   

***

35. Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief? Because he wanted his diamondback.   

***

36. When a thief stole several volumes from the library he was quickly booked.   

***

37. Inflammatory talk is often seen as propane language. Warren - Quincy, Illinois

***

38. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.   

***

39. The hostage said he couldn't stay on the phone long because he was tied up at the moment.   

***

40. In jail convicts use cell phones.

***

41. Stolen eggs are poached.   

***

42. He threw butter out the window in order to see the butterfly.   

***

43. A librarian caught stealing had the book thrown at her and was put in a three storey jail.   

***

44. He was a criminal with crooked thoughts and found it hard to think straight.   

***

45. A murderer had heartburn because of something the assassinate.   

***

46. A dry cleaner was indicted with charges pressed for money laundering. A deal is being ironed out.   

***

47. Criminals who fall into the mud have to come clean sooner or later.   

***

48. The case against a donut thief was full of holes.   

***

49. A lot of shady characters are waiting for their day in the sun.   

***

50. When just one prisoner working on a gang on a country road attempted to escape there was a chain reaction. JA - Houston

—From the collection of the Pun of the Day website