A very common problem in newspaper stories is the tendency to force sentences to put the cart before the horse, so to speak. Such sentences sound illogical—even absurd sometimes—because they mistake cause for effect or vice versa, thus causing needless confusion and aggravation to the reader. Usually, this problem arises because of faulty sentence construction, misuse of a conjunction or preposition, or, in the worse cases, poor discernment by the reporter or editor of the causality or sequence of events in the story being reported.
Take these two cases in point that I found in two of the leading Metro Manila broadsheets this weekend:
(1) Philippine Star: Inversion of cause and effectMore quakes recorded at Taal
MANILA, Philippines - The restive Taal volcano in Batangas showed signs of heightened activity anew in the past 24 hours as state seismologists recorded more volcanic earthquakes.
In its latest advisory, the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology (Phivolcs) said a total of 16 volcanic earthquakes were detected around the volcano, higher than the 12 recorded last Thursday.
Phivolcs also noted a slight increase in water temperature in the main crater lake of the volcano from 29.8 to 30.1 degrees Celsius.
The way the lead sentence above is constructed, Taal Volcano is absurdly made to appear as showing heightened activity because the state seismologists are recording the earthquakes in its vicinity. This is a nonsensical notion, of course. Volcanoes don’t have the same motivations as humans (unlike, say, some legislators and street activists who get inordinately active and voluble when ANC is around doing live TV coverage) and simply go through their natural course of venting heat from the core of the Earth. They don’t show volcanic activity because seismologists are observing them in the interest of public safety; they do so because they just happen to be in their active phase.
So what’s responsible for the inversion of cause and effect in that troubled sentence? It’s the erroneous positioning of its two coordinate clauses along with the misuse of the coordinating conjunction “as” in the sense of “for the reason that” or “when.” This sentence construction gives the wrong impression that the seismologists’ recording activity is triggering or causing the heightened volcanic activity rather than the other way around, which is that this volcanic activity is what’s prompting the seismologists to monitor it.
One way to correct the illogic of that sentence is to interchange the position of the two coordinate clauses, as follows:
“State seismologists recorded more volcanic earthquakes as restive Taal volcano in Batangas showed signs of heightened activity anew in the past 24 hours.”
This time it’s crystal clear that the volcanic earthquakes recorded by the seismologists are the consequence—not the cause—of the heightened activity of Taal Volcano.
An even quicker fix for that problematic sentence—a fix that doesn’t require as extensive a rewrite—is to simply convert the second coordinate clause, “state seismologists recorded more volcanic earthquakes,” into a modifying prepositional phrase. The compound sentence (by definition, one that has two coordinate and coequal clauses) then becomes a simple sentence modified by the prepositional phrase, as follows:
“The restive Taal volcano in Batangas showed signs of heightened activity anew in the past 24 hours, with state seismologists recording more volcanic earthquakes.”
(2) The Manila Times: Attributing a condition to a wrong causeFormer Bb. Pilipinas stabbed by carjackers
FORMER Binibining Pilipinas-Universe Pilar Pilapil is in stable condition after being stabbed repeatedly by suspected carjackers in Marikina City (Metro Manila) Thursday evening.
Reports said that the suspects left the bloodied Pilapil, 60, near Piedra Blanca Homes in nearby Antipolo City where she sought help from residents there.
She was initially brought to the Antipolo District Hospital before being transferred to the Medical City in Pasig City (also in Metro Manila) also nearby.
Because of its slipshod construction, the lead sentence of the news story above conveys the absurd notion that the stable condition of the victim was the result of her being stabbed repeatedly, in the same sense as this hypothetical but logical sentence: “Miss X, who suffered a life-threatening gunshot wound, is in stable condition after being operated on at Hospital Z last night.” The fact, of course, is that the victim in this particular story was stabbed first, was rushed to a hospital after being found wandering and screaming for help, was treated by the doctors there, and was fortunately now in stable condition. This sense of the narrative is lost because the reporter was so in a hurry to tell the story that she cut so many corners, ultimately mistaking effect for cause in the lead sentence.
Here’s a rendering of that lead passage that has a healthier respect for the rules of cause-and-effect:
“Former Binibining Pilipinas-Universe Pilar Pilapil was stabbed repeatedly by suspected carjackers in Marikina City (Metro Manila) Thursday evening. She was rushed to the Antipolo District Hospital by residents who found her wandering and screaming for help along the highway, then was transferred to the Medical City in Pasig City where she is now in stable condition.”
SHORT TAKES IN MY MEDIA ENGLISH WATCH:(1) Philippine Star: Wrong word choicePlant food to alleviate hunger in countryside, agri SUCs urged
MANILA, Philippines - To address the reported rise in the incidence of hunger in the country, the Commission on Higher Education (CHED) wants all state agricultural colleges and universities to plant food, especially vegetables, in their idle but fertile agricultural lands.
Dr. William Medrano, CHED commissioner, said that students and educators in the more than 50 state-funded agricultural schools all over the country can help alleviate hunger in the countryside by making use of their vast idle lands for the planting of vegetables and other food crops.
This story uses a wrong word choice twice—“food” in the headline “Plant food to alleviate hunger in countryside…” and again in the lead sentence in the phrase “wants all state agricultural colleges and universities to plant food.” From both the grammatical and semantic standpoints, however, food is by no means planted. By definition, “food” is “material consisting essentially of protein, carbohydrate, and fat used in the body of an organism to sustain growth, repair, and vital processes and to furnish energy.” As such, food is not planted; what are planted are crops, vegetables, trees, and grasses that yield food. Food is the end product, not the thing planted to produce it.
Obviously, the correct term to use here is “food crops,” which should have been uniformly used in that news story and not just as a seeming happenstance at the tail end of the second paragraph—a clear indication of less than judicious and thorough editing.
(2) Manila Bulletin: Semantically defective participial phrase DILG to help control cholera; Hagedorn says Puerto Princesa safePUB
MANILA, Philippines -- Alarmed by the 30 individuals, mostly children, who died in the municipality of Bataraza in Palawan due to cholera, the Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG) has ordered regional officials to help control the cholera outbreak in 17 barangays of the town.
Puerto Princesa City Mayor Edward S. Hagedorn likewise allayed fears raised by concerned citizens and local health agencies that the cholera outbreak may affect the city.
The lead sentence above is semantically defective because of the wrong wording of the participial phrase “alarmed by the 30 individuals, mostly children, who died in the municipality of Bataraza in Palawan due to cholera.” The DILG wasn’t alarmed by the 30 people who died from cholera; it was alarmed by their deaths. There’s a big semantic difference between people alarming you for one reason or another, and their deaths alarming you because they were caused by a dreadful and highly contagious disease like cholera.
To yield this correct sense, that participial phrase should be rewritten as follows:
“
Alarmed by the deaths of 30 people, mostly children, in the municipality of Bataraza in Palawan due to cholera, the Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG) has ordered regional officials to help control the cholera outbreak in 17 barangays of the town.”
(3) Manila Bulletin: Subject-verb disagreementSacked guard suspect in warehouse theft
MANILA, Philippines – Almost P2 million in car components were believed stolen from a Toyota warehouse in Quezon City over the past weeks and the company was able to identify one of its dismissed guards as the culprit from security footages.
Chief Inspector Rodelio Marcelo, chief of the Theft and Robbery Section of the Quezon City Police District (QCPD), on Friday said that the Toyota parts warehouse located at No. 728 Quezon Avenue, Barangay Tatalon, has lost an estimated P1.9 million worth of car components.
There’s a subject-verb disagreement error in the lead sentence above. In the clause “almost P2 million in car components were believed stolen,” the operative subject is the singular form “almost P2 million” so it needs a verb in the singular form, “was believed,” not the plural form “were believed.” Also, although the form “almost P2 million in car components” is somehow being used without question by a good number of newspapers, it is grammatically questionable. The proper phrasing for it is “almost P2 million worth of car components.” In this form, the operative noun is the singular “worth,” which also needs a verb in the singular form.
Of course, the phrase “almost P2 million worth of car components” can also be reworded as “car components worth almost P2 million.” In this case, the operative noun is the plural “components,” so in the clause under discussion here, the verb would be in the plural form this time: “car components worth almost P2 million were believed stolen.”
Another problem with that lead sentence is the misplaced modifying phrase “from security footages” at its tail end. To do a proper modifying job, that phrase needs to be transferred right before the second coordinate clause of that lead sentence, as follows:
“
Car components worth almost P2 million were believed stolen from a Toyota warehouse in Quezon City over the past weeks and,
from security footages, the company was able to identify one of its dismissed guards as the culprit.”
Another grammatically correct construction:
“
Car components worth almost P2 million were believed stolen from a Toyota warehouse in Quezon City over the past weeks and the company was able to identify
from security footages one of its dismissed guards as the culprit.”
(4) The Manila Times: Defective, awkward phrasing of main clauseAFP clamors for modernization
AMID a growing tension in the disputed Spratly Islands and in the absence of a firm commitment of US support, the Armed Forces clamored anew the need to speed up its modernization program and enhance its territorial defense capability.
Armed Forces chief Gen. Eduardo Oban, Jr., disclosed Friday that so far only P11 billion has been committed by the Aquino administration for its modernization program, which he stressed, was too small an amount for the needed sea, air and land defense requirements of the military.
The lead sentence above has two problems: (1) the unnecessary use of the article “a” in the adverbial phrase “amid a growing tension,” and (2) the grammatically defective and awkward phrasing of the main clause, “the Armed Forces clamored anew the need to speed up its modernization program and enhance its territorial defense capability.”
The problem with that main clause is, of course, the badly mixed up verb phrase “clamored anew the need to speed up.” You don’t clamor the need for something; you clamor for that something. When used transitively as in this case, the verb “clamor” needs a direct object and that direct object is the “acceleration” or “speed-up” of its modernization program.
Here then is a suggested rewrite of that sentence:
“
Amid growing tension in the disputed Spratly Islands and in the absence of a firm commitment of US support,
the Armed Forces is again clamoring for the acceleration of its modernization program so the nation’s territorial defense capability can be enhanced.”
