Jose Carillo's English Forum

Joe Carillo's Desk => You Asked Me This Question => Topic started by: Joe Carillo on February 28, 2019, 12:33:51 AM

Title: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: Joe Carillo on February 28, 2019, 12:33:51 AM: GRAMMAR JOUST: “WHERE’S THE VERB IN THAT SENTENCE?”

Good-English advocate and Forum member Gerry T. Galacio presented in his posting yesterday (February 27, 2019) a tough grammar puzzler, “Where’s the verb in that sentence?” (http://josecarilloforum.com/forum/index.php?topic=7868.0)—a kilometric (78-word) sentence that evidently just won’t make sense no matter how you methodically reconstruct or parse it. To whoever first figures out what’s wrong with it and gets to fix it grammatically and structurally, I offer dinner for two in a good Pasig City or Mandaluyong City restaurant of our mutual choice, plus a complimentary copy of my forthcoming fourth book, Bridging the English Divide (its publication is still three months away though but I guarantee an autographed mint copy when it goes off the press).

(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/one-word-makes-the-difference-1A1.png)
IMAGE CREDIT: GETTY IMAGES IN INC.COM/SYLVIA-LAFAIR
“There’s One Word That Makes All The Difference”

Here’s that intractable sentence that needs fixing:

“It is imperative that all BUSINESS OWNERS AND EXECUTIVES, ALL EMPLOYERS, EMPLOYEES, HR MANAGERS AND HR PROFESSIONALS, LINE MANAGERS AND SUPERVISORS, AS WELL AS UNION LEADERS, EVEN THE LABOR ARBITERS, VOLUNTARY ARBITRATORS and all those involve[d] in labor dispute settlement, and resolution of conflicts concerning human behavior in business and other organizations, as well as the legal and behavioral implications of such behavior to productivity, quality and profitability, competitiveness and continuing survival of businesses in a globalized economy.”

Try your hand on “Where’s the verb on this sentence?” and post it here in the Forum now!

You must be a registered Forum member to participate in this friendly grammar joust. All you need to do is post your analysis and construction in reply to this post. Limit your post to 100-300 words. Your post in the Forum discussion board will be your official entry so keep it clear, clean, and neat. And do it now before somebody with the same idea beats you to it!
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: youngmentor on March 02, 2019, 12:12:55 AM: Let me try this. Please do see my entry below.

"It is imperative that all business owners, executives, employers, employees, HR managers, HR professionals, line managers, supervisors, union leaders, labor arbiters including voluntary arbitrators, and all those involved in a labor dispute settlement and conflict resolution concerning human behavior and its legal and behavioral implications to businesses'(s) and other organizations'(s) productivity, quality, profitability, competitiveness and continuous survival in a globalized economy attend the upcoming seminar that will be held at Crowne Plaza Hotel."
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: Joe Carillo on March 02, 2019, 07:17:22 AM: Here’s what you did to that incomprehensible kilometric sentence:

"It is imperative that all business owners, executives, employers, employees, HR managers, HR professionals, line managers, supervisors, union leaders, labor arbiters including voluntary arbitrators, and all those involved in a labor dispute settlement and conflict resolution concerning human behavior and its legal and behavioral implications to businesses'(s) and other organizations'(s) productivity, quality, profitability, competitiveness and continuous survival in a globalized economy attend the upcoming seminar that will be held at Crowne Plaza Hotel."

(73 words)

Good try, Mike, but not good enough. You’ve supplied a verb, “attend,” that actually works grammatically and structurally. But it’s a tough, excruciating read because that verb comes 61 words way too deep into the sentence; I think you’ll agree that it’s so difficult to find and to figure out what it’s doing there. Try again.

HELPFUL READING:
"Bedlam when the verb shows up very late in long sentences" (November 1, 2014) (https://www.manilatimes.net/bedlam-verb-shows-late-long-sentences/138333/)
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: youngmentor on March 02, 2019, 03:07:37 PM: How about the below revision, sir Joe?

"It is imperative that all those who are involved in a labor dispute settlement and conflict resolution that concern human behavior, its legal and behavioral implications for the continuing survival of businesses and organizations in a globalized economy, attend the upcoming seminar that will be held at Crowne Plaza Hotel."
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: youngmentor on March 02, 2019, 03:17:39 PM: Here's another one:

"It is imperative that all stakeholders (who are) concerned about the legal and behavioral implications of labor dispute settlement and conflict resolutions for the continuous survival of businesses and organizations, attend the upcoming seminar that will be held at Crowne Plaza hotel.
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: Joe Carillo on March 02, 2019, 04:03:39 PM: Your second reconstruction:

"It is imperative that all stakeholders (who are) concerned about the legal and behavioral implications of labor dispute settlement and conflict resolutions for the continuous survival of businesses and organizations, attend the upcoming seminar that will be held at Crowne Plaza hotel."

Mike, your second construction of that intractable sentence is a fair improvement over your first, but I must tell you that the verb "attend" remains deeply buried deep in that 42-word sentence, with 30 words heaped on top of it. This state of affairs makes it still very tough for the reader to comprehend the sense of that statement.

I might as well also give you these two hints: There may be better and less imposing verbs to use than "attend" for that sentence, and that the word "imperative" is much too demanding, presumptuous, and coercive for the organizers to tell prospective seminar participants. Also, that misshapen comma you used to provide breathing space--"gasping space" is perhaps more appropriate--before the verb "attend" is proof positive that the sentence is syntactically in trouble.
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: youngmentor on March 03, 2019, 12:06:27 AM: How about the below revision, sir Joe,

"All stakeholders (who are) concerned about the legal and behavioral implications of labor dispute settlement and conflict resolutions for the continuous survival of businesses and organizations are encouraged (are invited) to attend the upcoming seminar that will be held at Crowne Plaza hotel."

That's really tough. =)
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: Joe Carillo on March 03, 2019, 07:06:04 AM: Mike, your third revision above has veered too far from the sense and intent of the original statement. The words "concerned" and "encouraged" and "invited" are particularly weak and inappropriate; why would mere "concern" for the seminar topics be motivation enough to pay for and attend it?

When tasked simply to improve a statement for grammar and syntax, you need to stick to its evident intended message rather than open totally new avenues of thought. That intended message is to sell the seminar to its target buyers--prospective participants--and for that reason the words "encouraged" and "invited" are obviously not strong and persuasive enough for the purpose.

My suggestion is for you to approach this sentence improvement task from the viewpoint of a marketer or salesman. Look for a way to say it as simply, clearly, and directly as possible without going into major word surgery or verbal acrobatics.
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: edward22 on March 05, 2019, 08:35:04 PM: Let me try this, Sir Joe!

"All businessmen and stakeholders are requested to attend the seminar on legal and behavioural implications of human behaviour in business to productivity, quality and profitability, competitiveness and continuing survival of businesses in a globalized economy."
Title: Re: Grammar Joust: “Where’s the verb in that sentence?”
Post by: Joe Carillo on March 05, 2019, 11:04:48 PM: Your reconstruction is this:

"All businessmen and stakeholders are requested to attend the seminar on legal and behavioural implications of human behaviour in business to productivity, quality and profitability, competitiveness and continuing survival of businesses in a globalized economy."

Since this is a selling proposition for a seminar, edward22, it's actually fatal to "request" prospective paying participants to attend it; you need to powerfully motivate them and convince them that attending it is key to the success of their organizations's productivity, quality, profitability, competitiveness, and survival in a globalized economy." It's also not advisable to knock off simply for brevity's sake too many of the details of the seminar offering that serve as powerful come-ons to prospective participants.

HINT: Look for and establish just a few keywords that can more efficiently deliver the sales pitch without unduly altering the tenor and intent of the original.

NOTE: The words "behavioural" and "behaviour" with "u" are spelled using the British English Standard. In the Philippines, we use the American English Standard without the "u" for such words.