Jose Carillo's English Forum
General Category => Language Humor at its Finest => Topic started by: Joe Carillo on May 05, 2014, 07:32:59 AM
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35 Zany Quotes and Sayings
Enjoy this collection of 35 zany quotes and sayings about human and animal relationships and entanglements from the InnocentEnglish.com website.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/flirtingwoman_incasino-image-1A.jpg)
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Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
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Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die…
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/funnycow_images-1A.jpg)
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Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
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I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/cluelessman_withwoman-2A.jpg)
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I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.
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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/fortuneteller_image-1A.jpg)
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This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.
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I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
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If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.
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Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/manwoman_sleeping-1A.jpg)
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Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.
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Born free… taxed to death.
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The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/doglover_inpark-image-1A.jpg)
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Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
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If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/smoking_aftersex-1B.jpg)
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There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
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If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
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You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
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The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/earlybid_getsworm-image-1A.jpg)
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I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
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So you’re a feminist… Isn’t that cute, honey!
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Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/mandesperate_toquitsmoking-1A.jpg)
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“If,” a two letter word for futility.
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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
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I’m not a complete idiot, just that some parts are missing.
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Horn broken, watch for finger.
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/woman_honkinghorn-image-1A.jpg)
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The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
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Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.
—From InnocentEnglish.com (http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/really-funny-sayings.html)