Jose Carillo's English Forum
General Category => Language Humor at its Finest => Topic started by: Joe Carillo on February 16, 2014, 07:30:06 AM
-
34 Business Jokes and Quotes
The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.—J.K.Galbraith
***
Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.—George Soros
***
If Thomas Edison went to business school, we would all be reading by bigger candles.—Mark McCormack
***
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
***
If at first you don’t succeed: try management.
***
The Egyptian financial markets are riddled with Pyramid schemes.
***
Economics is the only profession where you can gain great eminence without ever being right.
***
They have two tellers in my bank, except when it’s busy they have one.
***
The only way to make killing on the stock market is to shoot your broker.
***
In business remember that nobody can do your thinking for you. Remember I taught you that.
***
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
***
An economist is someone who, by looking out of the rear window of a car, can tell the driver where he is going.—Clive Wismayer
***
I’ve put something aside for a rainy day. It’s an umbrella.
***
Sorry to hear that daylight savings is the only savings you have left.
***
In other news, Sweden’s credit rating has been downgraded from AAA to ABBA.
***
Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first?
A: The Taxpayer.
***
I’ve written books on advertising – cheque books.—Alan Sugar
***
I am having an out of money experience.
***
I used to have two employees in my fart cushion business, but I had to let one go.
***
It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank.—Bertolt Brecht
***
For some time I’ve been speculating on commodities: heavily buying into both the Coffee and Chocolate markets.
***
It’s unfortunate we can’t buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.—Malcolm Forbes
***
I never touched Elvis’s money. He got his half.—Tom Parker
***
They say money talks, but all it ever said to me was goodbye.
***
My bank lets me send a text message and it’ll text back with my balance. It’s a cool feature but I didn’t think the LOL was necessary.
***
True wealth is not comparing yourself to others, but enjoying what you have. Especially when you have more than everyone else.
***
Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms.
***
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
***
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
***
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
***
Win your lawsuit: lose your money.
***
A successful lawsuit is one worn by a policeman.—Robert Frost
***
By the time I’ve paid for this furniture, it will be antique.
***
Our furniture goes back to Louis XIV, unless we pay Louis before the 14th.
—From a collection in About Short-Jokes-Quotes.com (http://short-jokes-quotes.com/business-jokes-quotes.aspx)