Jose Carillo's English Forum
General Category => Language Humor at its Finest => Topic started by: Joe Carillo on June 15, 2013, 11:44:27 AM
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Hell Explained by a Chemistry Student
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.*
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God!”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
—From David Bar-Tsur’s collection of “Humor and stories for interpreters: Educational interpreters” (http://www.theinterpretersfriend.org/misc/humr/ed-terp.html)
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*More precisely, Boyle’s Law is the principle that at constant temperature the volume of a confined ideal gas varies inversely with its pressure. An even more exacting statement of Boyle’s Law is this: The absolute pressure exerted by a given mass of an ideal gas is inversely proportional to the volume it occupies if the temperature and amount of gas remain unchanged within a closed system.
If what all of this means still escapes you, do a quick review of your basic Physics sometime soon.
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Thanks for such an awesome joke. I really burst into laughter.
Sir, can I post this on FB?
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I guess so, but you shouldn't attribute it to the Forum as source. Just attribute it as coming from the same joke collection that I cited.