Jose Carillo's English Forum
General Category => Language Humor at its Finest => Topic started by: Joe Carillo on July 22, 2012, 11:00:59 AM
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A Barrelful of Wonder Phrases
Like any language, English has a lot of idiom-phrases that don’t make grammatical sense. But that’s no excuse not to laugh at them.
Here’s a terrific collection of those wonder phrases from Jim Wegryn Presents “A Barrel Full of Words”:
Would rehearsing a sermon be how a pastor practices what he preaches?
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If you have to collect your thoughts, are you scatterbrained?
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Is it a bargain if you buy a violin, no strings attached?
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If you’re on a low carb diet, aren’t you going against the grain?
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Is it the crack of dawn that causes daybreak?
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Is it nightfall that causes the crack of dawn?
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Will you find cell phones in prison?
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Would a get-together of optimists be a glee club?
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Does a glee club ever sing sad songs?
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Is bar hopping a joint venture?
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Is a cured ham a lousy actor who no longer is a lousy actor?
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Wouldn’t it be cooler if a man’s best friend was a fox instead of a dog?
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Are mixed blessings worst than those in alphabetical order?
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Would being woke up by an earthquake be a moving experience?
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How come you have to write down something to write up something?
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If you talk turkey, wouldn’t you sound ridiculous?
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Are odds and ends less important than evens and starts?
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Is talking behind one’s back the same as talking in front of one’s back?
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When people say “God speed,” how fast is that?
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How much money do you save when you receive a free gift?
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What’s the difference between new and brand new?
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If you stretch the truth do you a get a tall tale?
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If a race is neck and neck, would that mean it’s a necktie?
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Is it okay to use the AM radio after noon?
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Why does your house burn up as it burns down?
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How come you have to fill in a form to fill out a form?
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Why can you see stars out but not lights out?
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How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?
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Why do they call it rush hour when traffic moves the slowest?
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Why isn’t there anyplace to lie down in a public rest room?
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Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
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Does alphabet soup ever spell trouble?
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Can you take a crash course in flying?
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How come noses run and feet smell?
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When you press the door bell button, should you use your ring finger?
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Do old wrinkled people think baggy clothes are skin tight?
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How can you dig out of a hole?
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Why do people say “bye bye” but not “hello hello?”
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Why do people sit down during the day and sit up late at night?
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Shouldn’t guests leave a banquet fed up?
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If you float an idea, how long before it sinks in?
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Do politicians who sling mud loose ground?
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Why do you chop down the tree, then chop up the tree?
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When you stick your neck out, how do you stick it back in?
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Why do they call it a TV set when there is only one?
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Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?
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If you kick the bucket, aren’t you still kicking?
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How come “needless to say” always comes with something said?
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If you make ends meet, aren’t you just going around in circles?
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How come you bite down when the jaw moves up?
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Do people who skydive ever think they are jumping to conclusions?
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What lies beyond the moment of truth?
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When you say something tongue in cheek, why don’t you bite your tongue?
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If you saw someone who was two-faced, wouldn’t you do a double take?
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When somebody greets us with “how do you do,” why don’t we ever reply “do what?”
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If marriage is a two-way street, aren’t head-on collisions inevitable?
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If you pull strings to get ahead, won’t your scheme unravel?
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Are you sound asleep when you snore?
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How come even after you lose your temper, you still have a temper?
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How come you sleep while the alarm clock is on and wake up when it goes off?
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Can you back up down a hill?
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Why do they leave out the letter “b” on “Garage Sale” signs? (garbage)
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If you eat your hat and swallow your pride, why do you end up with egg on your face?
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If you push your belly button, will you get an ear ring?
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Does your pet peeve know any tricks?
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If you can’t get over the weather, are you under the weather?
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Does a jump start begin from a crouching position?
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Did you ever meet someone who was asking for trouble, without question?
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Is it a cake walk when you wear layered clothing?
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Would someone in ill humor be telling sick jokes?
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How come the bride never marries the best man?
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Wouldn’t you expect to get a dead battery free of charge?
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Is a will a dead giveaway?
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Should you break into song if you can’t find the key?
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Would a short fortune teller who escaped from prison be a small medium at large?
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If a thief falls into wet cement, does he become a hardened criminal?
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Won’t those who get too big for their britches be exposed in the end?
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Wouldn’t you say a calendar’s days are numbered?
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Isn’t a boiled egg hard to beat?
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To strike a happy medium, do you have to slap a smiling fortune teller?
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How can we have things cut in two but never cut in three?
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Why isn’t Sacramento spelled with capital letters?
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Is a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran?
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Shouldn’t you eat a square meal before going to a square dance?
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Is a well-rounded fellow a ball to be with?
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If something is out of whack, where can you get some more?
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Do pessimists slow down while optimists slow up?
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When it’s after dark, isn’t it really after light?
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If you want to ask questions in class, don’t you have to be high-handed about it?
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And how the heck did “how come” ever become a question starter?
—From Jim Wegryn Presents “A Barrel Full of Words” (http://www.jimwegryn.com/Words/WonderPhrases.htm)