30 of the Most Humorous Quotables You'd Come By These Worrisome Days
“The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.”—Unknown
(http://josecarilloforum.com/imgs/law-of-heredity_illustration-1A2.png)
IMAGE CREDIT: SCIENCETREK.ORG
Oops! This is an authentic schematic diagram of a DNA and chromosome, silly!
“If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.”—Doug Larson
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“Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you’re able to persecute.”—Jonathan Kellerman
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“A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely.”—Lubna Azmi
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“Forgive your enemies—if you can’t get back at them any other way.”—Franklin P. Jones
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“I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.”—Oscar Wilde
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“How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.”—Sara Swank
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“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”—Franklin P. Jones
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“Every man is a fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.”—Elbert Hubbard
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“I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.”—Alan Coren
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“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.”—Ashleigh Brilliant
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“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”—Scott Adams
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“The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.”—Casey Stengal
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“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”—Groucho Marx
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“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.”—Unknown
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“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.”—Franklin Jones
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“A word to the wise isn’t necessary; it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.”—Bill Cosby
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“Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest.”—Neil Kinnock
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“You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.”—Unknown
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“No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.”—H.L. Mencken
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“Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.”—Unknown
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“Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”—Tori Filler
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“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”—Salvador Dali
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“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.”—Sam Ewing
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“Those who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.”—Terry Marchal
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“You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.”—Unknown
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“Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.”—Al Bernstein
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“Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”—Robert Newton Peck
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“I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?”—Leo Duracher
—From Amanda's Quotes and Poetry (http://smiley963.tripod.com/humorous.html)