I am pleased to post below the improved version the bad-English beach resort poster using the text revision submitted by
jonathanfvaldez, with some editing and refinements by me. I sent a copy of the revised text to the resort manager by airmail yesterday with the compliments of Jose Carillo’s English Forum along with the following suggestion:
“We trust that your resort, being in the tourism and hospitality business, would welcome this better-worded, friendlier version of its house rules and regulations.”
For submitting the best revision of the poster text, Forum member
jonathanfvaldez will get an autographed copy of my third book,
Give Your English the Winning Edge, which comes out in mid-July based on the latest advice from my publisher.
ArvinOrtiz, whose entry was a runner-up, should have received by now the autographed copy of
The 10 Most Annoying English Grammar Errors that I promised; I sent it through LBC yesterday. I still have to hear, though, from runner-up
PretentiousDiction for his mailing address so I can send him the other copy of the book.
To the other Forum members, don’t hesitate to send us the most bothersome badly written, badly spoken English specimens that you encounter in your locality. Together, we just might be able to help eliminate the English eyesore or bad spoken language that’s long been bothering you and your townmates.
Cheers!
Joe Carillo
Here now is the improved, edited version of that beach resort poster:
ISLA BEACH RESORT AND CANTEEN
Rules and Regulations
The management and staff at Isla Beach Resort value your patronage and always strive to make your stay as pleasant and pleasurable as possible. To help us achieve this goal, we would like to ask for your cooperation by observing the following rules and regulations:
1. Corkage and other canteen fees. To avoid misunderstandings that are often the cause of complaints from guests, we will charge corkage and electrical fees for the use of the in-house videoke, rice cooker, laptop, etc. These charges apply to all guests without exception and may be paid directly to the canteen cashier.
2. Unattended belongings. Despite every effort to provide our guests a secure place to enjoy themselves, the usual high occupancy of Isla makes prevention of theft a challenge. We therefore ask all of our guests to help make Isla more secure by keeping an eye on their belongings at all times. Isla assumes no responsibility for loss of unattended belongings.
3. Videoke bar. In compliance with the city ordinance, the videoke bar shall close at 12:00 midnight.
4. Beverage deposit. To reduce the cost of the upkeep of our facilities, a P20 deposit per bottle and an additional P100 deposit per case is required for beverages purchased from the canteen. Deposits are redeemable only upon presentation of the bottles or cases together with the deposit stub.
5. Self-service. Because our canteen is fully self-service, we ask our guests to just help themselves at the canteen’s food and beverage counters. Payments for all consumed food and beverages should be made with the cashier.
6. Fees.(a) Entrance fee – Daytime (before 6:00 p.m.)
Nighttime Adult P10.00 P15.00
Child (under 18 years) P 5.00 P10.00
(b) Cottage fees – Open cottage: Small P 75.00
Medium P 150.00
Large P 300.00
Extra large P 400.00
Closed cottage (any size): P 400.00
(c) Tent fee – Depends on the size (please inquire at the front desk)
(d) Corkage – Per bottle/can Per case
Soft drinks P 10.00 P 50.00
Beer P 10.00 P 50.00
Liquor P 15.00 P 50.00
Canned drinks P 10.00 P 50.00
(e) Electronic / electrical equipment rental fee – Cell phone P 10.00
Rice cooker P 50.00
Karaoke P 80.00
Videoke P 200.00
Laptop P 80.00
Water dispenser P 100.00
Stove P 50.00
Sound system (speakers, microphones, etc.): Depends on type of unit (please inquire
at front desk)
Other equipment (Please inquire at front desk)
Once again, we ask for your cooperation by being mindful of Isla’s rules and regulations. They are meant to make your stay at Isla Beach Resort a truly memorable, pleasurable, and rewarding experience.
We also would greatly appreciate your comments or suggestions on how we can further improve our services. You may use the drop box at the front desk or simply send us an email at ___________.
Thank you and enjoy your stay!
The Management