35 Zany Quotes and Sayings

[Joe Carillo]

35 Zany Quotes and Sayings

Enjoy this collection of 35 zany quotes and sayings about human and animal relationships and entanglements from the InnocentEnglish.com website.


WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.



***

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

***

Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die…

***

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.



***

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

***

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

***

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.



***

I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ.

***

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?



***

This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.

***

I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

***

If you don’t like the news, go out and make your own.

***

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.



***

Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.

***

Born free… taxed to death.

***

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.



***

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

***

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

***

If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.



***

There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.

***

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

***

Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

***

If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.

***

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

***

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.



***

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.

***

So you’re a feminist… Isn’t that cute, honey!

***

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.



***

“If,” a two letter word for futility.

***

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

***

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

***

I’m not a complete idiot, just that some parts are missing.

***

Horn broken, watch for finger.



***

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

***

Earth first…we’ll mine the other planets later.

—From InnocentEnglish.com