A Treasury of Funny Quotes and Outrageous Sayings

[Joe Carillo]

A Treasury of Funny Quotes and Outrageous Sayings

The Forum is reprising a truly exciting treasury of funny quotes and outrageous sayings—several of which we are now presenting in posterized form—about some defining characteristics of men and women, about what happens when they get on in years, and some random sayings from personalities of yesteryears that definitely can still elicit appreciative chuckles even today.


ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN:


IMAGE CREDIT: PINTEREST.COM
~ Margaret Thatcher, UK Prime Minister (1979 to 1990) ~


“The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.”
~ Jilly Cooper ~


“Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.”
~ Funny Short Saying ~



IMAGE CREDIT: QUOTESVALLEY.COM



IMAGE CREDIT: PINTEREST.COM



IMAGE CREDIT: SANTABANTA.COM


ABOUT GETTING ON IN YEARS:


IMAGE CREDIT: GREATQUOTES.COM


“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”
~ Bob Hope ~



IMAGE CREDIT: IZQUOTES.COM


“By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember them.”
~ George Burns ~


“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.”
~ Helen Hayes ~


“Older people shouldn’t eat health food; they need all the preservatives they can get.”
~ Robert Orben ~


RANDOM SAYINGS:

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’”
~ Tommy Cooper ~


“If everything is coming your way you’re in the wrong lane!”
~ Funny Short Saying ~


“If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.”
~ Joan Rivers ~


“I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”
~ Jeff Foxworthy ~



IMAGE CREDIT: PINTEREST.COM


“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
~ Noel Coward ~


“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
~ Mel Brooks ~


“The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it’s bad for you.”
~ Issac Asimov ~



IMAGE CREDIT: PINTEREST.COM

—From Quotesscoop.com

All of this collection of funny quotes and outrageous sayings appeared in this section on November 6, 2011 without the posterized illustrative materials, which are latter-day presentations of the same quotes in the original posting. (January 20, 2019)