I am sharing with Forum members two risqué grammar jokes in time for Halloween. The first, “Why a comma could have a life-changing effect,” was sent to me by a friend and fellow English enthusiast, award-winning writer Ed Maranan; and the second, “Proper grammar,” by Isabel Escoda, a Hong Kong-based Filipino writer and teacher.
Why a comma could have a life-changing effect
A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a mostly deserted beach at Stimson Beach.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away two years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked.
"Yes, I live over in San Francisco," he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Proper Grammar
A septuagenarian tells this story about how bad English grammar can be so sexually catastrophic:
"On my 77th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the medicine man and wondered what would happen next.
"The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You must take only a teaspoonful and then say "1-2-3." When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.'
"I was encouraged. As I walked away, I turned and asked, 'How do I stop the medicine from working?' 'Your partner must say "1-2-3-4,"' he responded. 'But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.'
"I was very eager to see if it worked so I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off all my clothes and said, '1-2-3!'
"Immediately, I was the manliest of men. My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, 'What was the 1-2-3 for?'
"And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition! One could end up with a dangling participle!"
Isabel Escoda was furnished a copy of this joke by a friend, who gave this warning: "Happy Halloween! Otherwise, watch out for the shaman and non-English major partners!!!"
A copy of this same joke under the title "An important English lesson" was actually sent to me the other week by Ed Maranan, who described it as one of his favorites and “probably the most creative instructional in grammar since the panda in Eats, Shoots and Leaves.”
P.S.
Simply for the record, Max Sims from Down Under sent me a copy of this same joke a few months back, but I was still feeling the waters for the Forum then and I thought the joke was too racy for comfort. I guess I was sort of overly careful and protective of the Forum during its startup. This time, though, I think I now have a better feel for what’s simply risqué and good fun versus what’s a big no-no for forums of this type. I therefore beg Max’s indulgence for that error in my initial judgment.
Happy Halloween!
