A Barrelful of Wonder PhrasesLike any language, English has a lot of idiom-phrases that don’t make grammatical sense. But that’s no excuse not to laugh at them.
Here’s a terrific collection of those wonder phrases from Jim Wegryn Presents “A Barrel Full of Words”:
Would rehearsing a sermon be how a pastor
practices what he preaches?
***
If you have to collect your thoughts, are you
scatterbrained?
***
Is it a bargain if you buy a violin,
no strings attached?
***
If you’re on a low carb diet, aren’t you
going against the grain?
***
Is it the
crack of dawn that causes
daybreak?
***
Is it
nightfall that causes the crack of dawn?
***
Will you find
cell phones in prison?
***
Would a get-together of optimists be a
glee club?
***
Does a
glee club ever sing sad songs?
***
Is bar hopping a
joint venture?
***
Is a
cured ham a lousy actor who no longer is a lousy actor?
***
Wouldn’t it be cooler if
a man’s best friend was a fox instead of a dog?
***
Are
mixed blessings worst than those in alphabetical order?
***
Would being woke up by an earthquake be
a moving experience?
***
How come you have to
write down something to
write up something?
***
If you
talk turkey, wouldn’t you sound ridiculous?
***
Are
odds and ends less important than evens and starts?
***
Is
talking behind one’s back the same as talking in front of one’s back?
***
When people say
“God speed,” how fast is that?
***
How much money do you save when you receive
a free gift?
***
What’s the difference between new and
brand new?
***
If you
stretch the truth do you a get
a tall tale?
***
If a race is
neck and neck, would that mean it’s a necktie?
***
Is it okay to use the
AM radio after noon?
***
Why does your house
burn up as it
burns down?
***
How come you have to
fill in a form to
fill out a form?
***
Why can you see stars out but not
lights out?
***
How can
a slim chance and
a fat chance be the same?
***
Why do they call it
rush hour when traffic moves the slowest?
***
Why isn’t there anyplace to lie down in a public
rest room?
***
Do cemetery workers prefer
the graveyard shift?
***
Does
alphabet soup ever
spell trouble?
***
Can you take
a crash course in flying?
***
How come
noses run and
feet smell?
***
When you press the door bell button, should you use your
ring finger?
***
Do old wrinkled people think baggy clothes are
skin tight?
***
How can you
dig out of a hole?
***
Why do people say “bye bye” but not
“hello hello?”
***
Why do people
sit down during the day and
sit up late at night?
***
Shouldn’t guests leave a banquet
fed up?
***
If you
float an idea, how long before it
sinks in?
***
Do politicians who
sling mud loose ground?
***
Why do you
chop down the tree, then
chop up the tree?
***
When you
stick your neck out, how do you stick it back in?
***
Why do they call it
a TV set when there is only one?
***
Why are
wise man and
wise guy opposites?
***
If you
kick the bucket, aren’t you
still kicking?
***
How come
“needless to say” always comes with something said?
***
If you
make ends meet, aren’t you just
going around in circles?
***
How come you
bite down when the jaw moves up?
***
Do people who skydive ever think they are
jumping to conclusions?
***
What
lies beyond the
moment of truth?
***
When you say something
tongue in cheek, why don’t you
bite your tongue?
***
If you saw someone who was
two-faced, wouldn’t you do
a double take?
***
When somebody greets us with
“how do you do,” why don’t we ever reply “do what?”
***
If marriage is a
two-way street, aren’t
head-on collisions inevitable?
***
If you
pull strings to get ahead, won’t your
scheme unravel?
***
Are you
sound asleep when you snore?
***
How come even after you
lose your temper, you still have a temper?
***
How come you sleep while
the alarm clock is on and wake up when it goes off?
***
Can you
back up down a hill?
***
Why do they leave out the letter “b” on
“Garage Sale” signs? (garbage)
***
If you
eat your hat and
swallow your pride, why do you end up with
egg on your face?***
If you push your
belly button, will you get
an ear ring?
***
Does your
pet peeve know any tricks?
***
If you can’t get over the weather, are you
under the weather?
***
Does
a jump start begin from a crouching position?
***
Did you ever meet someone who was
asking for trouble,
without question?
***
Is it
a cake walk when you wear layered clothing?
***
Would someone in
ill humor be telling
sick jokes?
***
How come the bride never marries
the best man?
***
Wouldn’t you expect to get a dead battery
free of charge?
***
Is a will
a dead giveaway?
***
Should you
break into song if you can’t find the key?
***
Would a short fortune teller who escaped from prison be a small medium
at large?
***
If a thief falls into wet cement, does he become
a hardened criminal?***
Won’t those who get too big for their britches be exposed
in the end?
***
Wouldn’t you say a calendar’s
days are numbered?***
Isn’t a boiled egg
hard to beat?
***
To
strike a happy medium, do you have to slap a smiling fortune teller?
***
How can we have things
cut in two but never cut in three?
***
Why isn’t Sacramento spelled with
capital letters?
***
Is a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran?
***
Shouldn’t you eat
a square meal before going to
a square dance?
***
Is a
well-rounded fellow a ball to be with?
***
If something is
out of whack, where can you get some more?
***
Do pessimists
slow down while optimists slow up?
***
When it’s
after dark, isn’t it really after light?
***
If you want to ask questions in class, don’t you have to be high-handed about it?
***
And how the heck did
“how come” ever become a question starter?
—From Jim Wegryn Presents “A Barrel Full of Words”
