What Do You Call…They call the head of a mafia family a don. I would have called him a vice-president. So, what do you call……someone who is always polite? — A politician.
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…an expert on hemorrhoids? — An analyst.
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…a guy who likes to pile up dirt? — A banker.
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…a cab driver who gets under your skin? — A taxidermist.
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…a bank employee who deals with rich clients? — A fortune teller.
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…one who does not spread gossip? — A secretary.
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…one who can’t be a secretary? — A teller.
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…someone who won’t share? — A miner.
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…a decision maker? — An optimist.
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…a tall beachcomber? — A longshoreman.
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…a sidewalk engineer? — A pathologist.
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…a high school or college graduate? — A diplomat.
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…a car body shop worker? — A dentist.
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…a casino black jack dealer? — A cardiologist.
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…someone who blows with the wind? — A draftsman.
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…a lousy golfer? — A foreman.
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…the manager of a political candidate? — An electrician.
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…a currently well-grounded person? — A conductor.
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…a trampoline artist? — A bouncer.
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…someone who likes to put people away for good? — An internist.
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…a policeman in traffic? — A director.
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…a cemetery worker? — An engraver.
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…one who writes high-brow music for drama? — An operator.
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…a Caucasian philosopher? — A paleontologist.
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…one who shrinks from his responsibilities? — A contractor.
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…a parking lot attendant? — A carpenter.
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…seller of fruits and vegetables? — A producer.
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…an anemic vampire? — An umpire.
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…a straight-line guy named Bob? — A plumber.
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…someone who makes pointed remarks? — A barber.
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…a small preacher? — A minister.
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…the guy at a company who hands out pink slips? — A fireman.
—From the Jim Wegryn’s “What Do You Call…” Collection
