Author Topic: 45 puns that can make you do jail time  (Read 6860 times)

Joe Carillo

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45 puns that can make you do jail time
« on: September 03, 2010, 09:45:45 PM »
45 puns that can make you do jail time

If the language police threatens to jail you for foisting any of the 45 puns in this Lifesmith Classic Fractals collection, not to worry! Just pun your way out from a long sentence the best you can and you’ll be scot-free in no time at all. Ready for the whole caboodle?


We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.



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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

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The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

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Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.



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To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

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When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

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The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

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A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

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The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

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A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

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Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.



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The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

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The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

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A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.



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The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

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If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

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A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.



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A will is a dead giveaway.

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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. (Groucho Marx)

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A backward poet writes inverse.

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In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

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A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

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If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.



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With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

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Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

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When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.



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A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

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You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

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The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.



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Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

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He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

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A calendar’s days are numbered.

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A lot of money is tainted: ’Taint yours, and ’taint mine.

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A boiled egg is hard to beat.



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He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

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A plateau is a high form of flattery.

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Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

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When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.



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When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

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If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

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Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.



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Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

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Acupuncture: a jab well done.


—From Lifesmith Classic Fractals


And for the road, one more pun to munch over:


« Last Edit: July 20, 2021, 09:40:26 PM by Joe Carillo »