Snarky Translations of Common Scientific Research Phrases

[Joe Carillo]

Snarky Translations of 20 Common Scientific Research Phrases

This list of phrases and their snarky translations or definitions might help you understand or at least decipher the mysterious language of science in general and of medicine and biology specifically. These special phrases are also applicable with obvious caveats to anyone working on a Ph.D. dissertation, academic paper, or journal article at a university anywhere on earth.

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RESEARCH PHRASES          TRANSLATION / MEANING

It has long been known ...                  I didn’t look up the original reference.

A definite trend is evident ...              These data are practically meaningless.

Of great theoretical and
    practical importance ...                    Interesting to me.

While it has not been possible
    to provide definite answers
    to these questions ...                     An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope
                                                         to get it published.
Three of the samples were
    chosen for detailed study ...          The results of the others didn’t make any sense.

Typical results are shown ...               This is the prettiest graph.

These results will be shown in
    a subsequent report...                   I might get around to this sometime,
                                                             if I’m pushed / funded.

The most reliable results are    
    those obtained by Jones ...              He was my graduate assistant.

It is believed that...                            I think.

It is generally believed that ...            A couple of other people think so, too.

It is clear that much additional
    work will be required before
    a complete understanding of
    the phenomenon occurs ...                I don’t understand it.

Correct within an order of
     magnitude ...                                   Wrong.

In my experience ...                               Once.

In case after case ...                              Twice.

In a series of cases ...                            Thrice.

According to statistical analysis…              Rumor has it.
 
A statistically oriented projection
    of the significance of these
    findings…                                          A wild guess.

Thanks are due to Joe Blotz
    for assistance with the
    experiment and to George
    Frink for valuable
    discussions ...                               Blotz did the work and Frink explained to
                                                               me what it meant.

A careful analysis of
    obtainable data...                          Three pages of notes were obliterated when
                                                                 I knocked over a glass of wine.

It is hoped that this study will
    stimulate further investigation
    in this field ...                               I quit.

[Source: unknown]


—From English Language Smart Words: Humor/Research