The Perils of Missing Periods or Forgetting CommasWhy did the comma break up with the apostrophe?
Because it was too possessive.***
Why did the comma break up with the question mark?
Because it questioned everything.***
Why did the comma break up with the exclamation point?
It was always yelling!***
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the ends of its paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.***
A panda bear walked into a bar and ordered a sandwich. When he was done eating the sandwich, he pulled out a gun and shot the bartender. The other patrons in the bar were shocked. “Why did you do that?” they asked. The panda walked toward the exit, yelled “look it up!” over his shoulder, and left.
The patrons pulled out their phones and looked up panda bears on the internet. The description said “eats, shoots, and leaves.”
***
The teacher asked Pepito to use the word “hyphenated” in a sentence.
Pepito said, “There used to be a space between these two words, but there isn’t anymore because a hyphen ate it.”
***
While we’re on the subject, here are some sentences in which proper punctuation is vital:A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
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Let’s eat, Grandma.
Let’s eat Grandma!
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Private. No visitors allowed.
Private? No! Visitors allowed.
***
Some people enjoy cooking, their families, and their dogs.
Some people enjoy cooking their families and their dogs.
And some spelling jokes:What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add letters to it?
Short.***
I’m thinking of a five-letter word that, when you take away two letters, you are left with just one. What word is it?
Alone.***
What’s the longest word in the English language?
Smiles. It has a mile between the first letter and the last letter.
And three puns for the road:RG was a fan of puns. One day he noticed that his favorite magazine was having a bad pun contest. He was so excited, he picked ten of his favorite bad puns and sent them in to the contest. When he got the next issue of his favorite magazine, he looked to see which of his puns won.
What happened?
No pun intended!***
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with.***
What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
Expla-nation—From a language jokes selection in Bilinguish.com
