20 highbrow jokes to wrack our brains and tickle our funnybonesWe are presenting for your delectation 20 intellectually challenging jokes in English from a wide-ranging selection contributed by readers to the UK newspaper The Independent. Consider them a self-administered, freewheeling toggle on your IQ and EQ combined with your accumulated general knowledge—if you know what that means.
What did the proton say to the ever-grumpy electron? “Why do you have to be so negative all the time?”
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The masochist said to the sadist “Hit me!” and the sadist said “No!”
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A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says, “Get out, you blasphemer. How dare you call yourself the ‘God particle’?” The Higgs boson replies: “But I make up the mass.”
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A woman comes home to find her string theorist husband in bed with another woman. “But honey,” he says, “I can explain everything!”
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
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The science teacher took a drink, but now he drinks no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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What did the Nihilist Borg Say? “Existence is Futile.”
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Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other: “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The other says: “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive!”
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Why are quantum physicists terrible in bed? Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.
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Why didn’t the quantum particle cross the road? He was already on both sides.
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Why is it so difficult to explain bad puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things so literally.
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Two behaviorists meet in the street. One says to the other: “You’re OK. How am I?”
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Why do Marx and Engels drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
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What’s the difference between an etymologist, and an entomologist? An etymologist knows the difference.
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A biochemist walks into a student bar and says to the barman: “I’d like a pint of adenosine triphosphate, please.” “Certainly,” says the barman, “that’ll be ATP.”
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A layman, a scientist and a mathematician are driving through Wales when they spot a black sheep on a hillside. The layman says: “How fascinating. The sheep in Wales are black.” The scientist says: “No. There is one sheep in Wales which is black.” The mathematician sighs and rolls his eyes. “I beg to differ. There is one sheep in Wales, one side of which is black.”
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How does a mathematician determine the shortest fence to include a herd of cattle? He draws a fence around his feet and declares “I’m outside the fence.”
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How many people of a certain demographic does it take to perform a specified task? It takes a finite number: one person to perform the task and an additional number to act in a manner stereotypical of the group to which they belong.
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Schroedinger’s cat walks into a bar. And it doesn’t.1
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Why did the inverse function cross the road? To get to the same side.2
—From “More highbrow jokes: We didn’t realize what we were starting” in The Independent UK
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1,2This time you'd really need to know some quantum mechanics and advanced math to figure out these two.PLUS FOUR MORE FOR THE ROAD:
