Five Dozen Amusing Job Descriptions

[Joe Carillo]

Five Dozen Amusing Job Descriptions




A lousy lawyer is always appealing.

***

A late teacher is in a class all by herself.

***

An enthusiastic archeologist digs her job.

***

A playwright likes to make a scene.

***


Fisherfolk have to rely on net income.

***

There is no future in being a historian.

***

A part-time maestro is a semiconductor.

 

A teacher on time has class.

***

A tall lawyer looks good in briefs.

***

A good realtor has lots of promise.

***

Every good musician is noteworthy.

***


The professional farmer is outstanding in his field.

***

A good cook knows how to dish it out.

***

An army cook can make a mess.

***

Accountants appreciate a good figure.

***

Smart electricians are up on current affairs.

***

A mail carrier is a person of letters.

***


Taxidermists have lots of stuff.

***

A cement worker has concrete ideas.

***

Sleeping plumbers have pipe dreams.

***

Inventors are patently smart.

***

Your dentist knows the drill.

***

A good rancher has a herd mentality.

***

Gamblers are a dicey lot.

***

A good artist can draw a crowd.

***

A roofer on the job is above it all.

***

Usually violinists just string along.

***

Lazy bakers loaf on the job.

***


New carpenters screw up a lot.

***

A blind barber depends upon shear luck.

***

Any golfer should be able to tell a good lie.

***

A funny butcher enjoys a good rib.

***

Editors have no problem making amends.

***

Kindergarten teaching is just kidding around.

***

A cowboy actor needs a stage coach.

***

Most doctors are patient people.

***

A competent tailor likes to size up his customers.

***

No shoe seller should have a stocking problem.

***

The son of the florist is a budding genius.

***


A suspicious gardener enjoys a good plot.

***

Some psychoanalysts give complex advice.

***

An evil candle maker does wicked things.

***

A successful funeral director is dead serious.

***

Undertakers face stiff competition.

***

Worried cemetery worker have grave concerns.

***


A nude model barely makes a living.

***

Some truck drivers are semi-professionals.

***

Telephone linemen can be poles apart.

***

A ballerina can leap to conclusions.

***

Librarians possess novel information.

***

Cashiers think change is inevitable.

***

An experienced coroner is good at dead reckoning.

***

An emotional dermatologist makes rash judgments.

***

Old cabinet makers enjoy board meetings.

***

On the job, drillers are boring.

***

Most psychiatrists should be committed.

***


Cops have arresting personalities.

***

The dentist and manicurist fought tooth and nail.

***

The short psychic prison escapee was a small medium at large.

***

The taxi driver quit his job because he couldn’t hack it.

—From Jim Wegryn presents A Barrel Full of Words
(Excluding the illustrative photos, which the Forum supplied only recently)