Author Topic: Into two  (Read 6213 times)

Miss Mae

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Into two
« on: July 01, 2014, 01:09:00 PM »
You have prescribed against letting the subject and its action stray away from each other too far. But how about the verbs in the following sentence?

The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant proclaimed its leader, Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi, the caliph, and demanded that Muslims everywhere pledge allegiance to him.

Shouldn’t it be broken into two sentences so that it would read as follows?

The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant had proclaimed its leader, Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi, the caliph.

It also demanded that Muslims everywhere pledge allegiance to him.

Joe Carillo

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Re: Into two
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2014, 10:48:30 AM »
People adequately conversant with English shouldn't have any difficulty understanding that sentence, although they might feel some discomfort with the multiple modification in the noun phrase "leader, Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi, the caliph" (three commas in quick succession!). For intermediate-level learners of English, however, that sentence will become much easier to understand broken into two sentences as you have done, even if the simplification didn't really address the problem of the multiple modification.

At any rate, the important thing to keep in mind is to keep the sentence structure and complexity of our sentences well within the comprehension and understanding of our target readers.

As an exercise, you might want to streamline that sentence by rephrasing that uncomfortable multiple-modified noun phrase as well.    


Miss Mae

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Re: Into two
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2014, 01:22:45 PM »
How about "The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant proclaimed its caliph, Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi, and demanded that Muslims everywhere pledge allegiance to him"?


Joe Carillo

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Re: Into two
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2014, 03:13:03 PM »
Miss Mae, your rewrite unfortunately distorted the fact that the Islamic state's leader Abu Bakr Al Baghdad wasn't the caliph yet when he was proclaimed as such. Here's a rewrite that remains faithful to the sense of the original construction while getting rid of the rather awkward multiple-comma modifiers:

"The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant proclaimed its leader Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi as caliph and demanded that Muslims everywhere pledge allegiance to him."
« Last Edit: July 03, 2014, 04:42:55 PM by Joe Carillo »

Miss Mae

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Re: Into two
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2014, 02:40:04 PM »
Uh-oh.