« on: May 23, 2014, 02:39:54 PM »
31 Nuggets of Zany Wisdom from the Humor Bin
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“I’m not having hot flashes, I’m having power surges!”
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“Minds are like parachutes. They work best when open.”
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“Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.”
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“I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.”
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“Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can’t get his pants off!”
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“I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.”
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“I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”
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“Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, ‘Where the hell is the ceiling?’”
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“Just because you’re smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.”
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“Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.”
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“We have a strange and wonderful relationship. You’re strange and I’m wonderful.”
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“Having an out of body experience. Back in five.”
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“Time is Nature’s way of making sure that everything doesn’t happen at once.”
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“If at first you don’t succeed, to heck with it.”
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“Do unto others, then run.”—Benny Hill
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“Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.”
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“Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.”
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“It’s gonna be like threading a needle with a haystack.”
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“My heart’s in the right place. I know, ’cuz I hid it there.—Carrie Fisher
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“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”—Mae West
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“We are not human doings, rather, we are human beings.”
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“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.—Lily Tomlin
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“Tell me what you believe and I’ll tell you where you’re going wrong.”
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“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.”
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“If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?”
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“Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?”
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“Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.”
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“The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.”
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“I put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.”
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“Life is like a box of chocolates. It’s full of nuts.”—From a collection in HumorBin.com
« Last Edit: September 27, 2018, 10:57:51 PM by Joe Carillo »
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