Two weeks ago, I asked for reactions from Forum members to the following notice in the hallway of a multiservice medical clinic in a major Metro Manila mall:
For a more pleasurable experience, please ensure you are registered with the nurse station prior to doctors consultation.
As I said in my posting, I was aghast at its insensitivity and obtuseness. I couldn’t imagine that such bad English could come from (or be tolerated by) medical doctors and health-care professionals who, without any doubt, are among the most educated and English-proficient people in this planet.
The grammar of that notice is faulty to begin with— “nurse station” should be “nurses’ station” and “prior to doctors consultation” should be “before consulting a doctor” or, more plainly, “before seeing a doctor.” The semantics and logic of the notice are terribly flawed—there’s a troubling disconnect between the act of prior “registration” and having “a more pleasurable experience” as a result. And its language register is way off normal—sensible people simply don’t talk like that in the real world.
I therefore decided to invite Forum members and guests to share their thoughts about the English of that notice and to improve it.
The first to respond to my invitation is Miss Mae, who made this posting last March 18, 2013:
How about this?
Register first to see a doctor
After all, the notice was already posted in the hallway of the clinic. Where else should patients register but in the nurse’s station?
Hmmm… “Register first to see a doctor” is definitely an improvement over the original, but I think it has oversimplified the message to the extent of losing its intended point. That point is, of course, the advantage to the patient of registering before seeing a doctor.
Then, on March 19, 2013, I received this e-mailed response from Mr. Juanito T. Fuerte, a Forum guest and FilAm
balikbayan from Virginia in the U.S.A. who describes himself as “temporarily back in the country”:
Joe, I think I understand why you’re bothered by that sentence, “For a more pleasurable experience, please ensure you are registered with the nurse station prior to doctors consultation.” But, Joe, what, in the name of sanity, are you complaining about? C’mon, man! Who wouldn’t want to have a “pleasurable experience”! And in a doctor’s office at that?
Let’s face it, Joe. You’re sick and not feeling well, which is why you went to see a doctor, right? Then a big, bold sign tells you, more or less, that all you have to do is “register with the nurse station” (repeat, “nurse station,” which probably should be “nurses station”) and voila! You can now have a “pleasurable experience”! Man, if anything can make a person well in an instant, those magic words surely can!
Ooh! La, la! That’s very ingenious of that doctor to come up with those very welcoming words!
Okay, Joe, so I’m a “dirty, old man,” and I apologize for getting carried away... Seriously now, how about something like this one?
For timely processing of patients, please see the receptionist first
You may even add “at the nurses station.” But I wouldn’t bother to add “prior to doctor consultation” because it’s obvious that patients are there for that reason. (One might miss out on having a “pleasurable experience,” but I think this will pass for something an English language guru like you would prefer to read).
Juanito’s comments are well taken, but I think this suggested rewrite of his, “For timely processing of patients, please see the receptionist first,” is decidedly dangerous! Patients go to see a doctor to be treated for their ailment, not to be “processed” in the same way as raw meat to sausage. There certainly will be no pleasure in that, I assure you!
Then, on March 25, 2013, I received this e-mailed feedback from Isabel E. in Hong Kong:
Regarding this medical office notice:
For a more pleasurable experience, please ensure you are registered with the nurse station prior to doctors consultation.
Joe—how weird! Did that clinic think patients were dumb enough to expect pleasure from seeing the quack? Did you get many folks correcting it? Here are my versions:
Direct & to the point:
IF YOU DON’T REGISTER, YOU WON’T GET TO SEE THE DOCTOR!
Seriously:
Registration at nurses’ station required before doctor’s consultation
Or:
For quicker, efficient service, kindly register with the nurse & wait your turn to see the doctor.
Isabel’s three suggested versions sound much closer to how that problematic notice should be phrased and expressed, but I think they still don’t have the semantic precision required for that message. So, tossing around for a better, more succinct version, I read aloud to my wife Elean all of the above suggested versions and asked her what she thought.
“I think all those versions including the original notice have missed the point,” she said, “and that point is why it’s important for patients to register first before seeing a doctor. It’s definitely not for pleasure’s sake, to be sure. It is to avoid the inconvenience of being rebuffed when they go directly to the doctor without queuing up like all patients should.”
She then suggested the following version of that notice:
To avoid any inconvenience, please register at the nurses’ station first before seeing your doctor.
That, I think, hits the nail right on the head!
