SHORT TAKES IN MY MEDIA ENGLISH WATCH:(1) GMA News: Misuse of defining relative clause; grammatically and semantically wrong noun phrase construction75 possibly new animal species discovered in PHL
The Philippines, located at the center of the coral triangle, which holds the world’s highest concentration of marine life diversity, may have even more secrets hidden in its ecosystems.
Scientists comprising the 2011 Philippine Biodiversity Expedition of the University of the Philippines (UP) and the California Academy of Sciences (CAS) announced on Wednesday that they may have discovered 75 new species of marine and terrestrial creatures endemic to the Philippines.
In the lead sentence above, it is incorrect to use “which” to link the defining relative clause “which holds the world’s highest concentration of marine life diversity” to the main appositive phrase “located at the center of the coral triangle.” It is also grammatically incorrect to use a comma before the relative clause in such a construction, so that comma must be dropped, and the correct function word to use in that sentence is the conjunction “that.” That sentence therefore needs to be rewritten as follows:
“The Philippines,
located at the center of the coral triangle that holds the world’s highest concentration of marine life diversity, may have even more secrets hidden in its ecosystems.”
In the second sentence of that lead passage, the phrasing of the subordinate clause “they may have discovered 75 new species of marine and terrestrial creatures endemic to the Philippines” is grammatically and semantically incorrect, for it wrongly casts doubt on the discovery of the 75 new animal species, not on whether those species are really new and previously undiscovered species. The correct sense will emerge by amending that subordinate clause, as shown in the following rewrite of the entire sentence:
“Scientists comprising the 2011 Philippine Biodiversity Expedition of the University of the Philippines (UP) and the California Academy of Sciences (CAS) announced on Wednesday that
they have discovered what could be 75 new species of marine and terrestrial creatures endemic to the Philippines.”
(2) GMA News: Semantically flawed phrasingPalace sees more charges filed vs Arroyo officials
The Aquino administration has yet to stop gathering evidence on the supposed anomalies committed by the past government, and is just waiting for the next Ombudsman to be appointed to file the necessary complaints.
“We don’t want to file a case which is half-cooked and we prefer that there’s already a permanent Ombudsman in place," said presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda at a press briefing Thursday.
In the lead sentence above, the verb phrase “has yet to stop gathering evidence on” conveys the semantically flawed sense that the Aquino administration is finding it difficult to put a halt to a compulsive evidence-gathering activity against the past government. The phrase that will yield the correct sense is “continues to gather evidence,” as can be seen in the following rewrite of that problematic sentence:
“The Aquino administration
continues to gather evidence of the supposed anomalies committed by the past government, and is just waiting for the next Ombudsman to be appointed to file the necessary complaints.”
(3) The Manila Times: Failed wordplay‘Sutukil’ order in Negros for alimentary–not military–purposes
BACOLOD CITY: The order for repast hereabouts sounds too near to the military than the alimentary — “sutukil.”
Such an order spells out the staple culinary delights enjoyed by Negrenses: sugba (broiled seafood), tula (fish-based soured soup), and kilaw (raw seafood or fishmeat morsels wallowing in palm vinegar, julienned ginger, hot pepper shreds and shallot slivers livened up at times with coconut cream).
Because of faulty phrasing and wrong preposition choices, what might have been a delightfully witty lead sentence had degenerated into failed wordplay. Indeed, this statement, “The order for repast hereabouts sounds too near to the military than the alimentary —
'sutukil',” borders on the nonsensical for the following reasons:
(a) It uses the uncommon noun “repast” instead of the more easily recognizable “meal”;
(b) It uses the legalese “hereabouts” instead of the plainspoken “here”;
(c) It wrongly uses of the phrase “sounds too near” instead of “more like”; and
(d) It wrongly uses the phrase “than the alimentary” instead of “than an alimentary one.”
Here’s how that sentence and the sentence next to it might have looked and sounded had they been well-done:
“The usual way of ordering meals here sounds more like a military command than an alimentary one—
'sutukil'.
“That order could indeed be mistaken for “shoot to kill,” but for Negrenses, it spells out their staple culinary delights: sugba (broiled seafood), tula (fish-based soured soup), and kilaw…”
(4) The Manila Bulletin: Wrong subordinating conjunction; awkward phrasing 3 survive Isabela aircraft crash
CAUAYAN CITY, Isabela, Philippines —Three people, including an Iranian national, were hurt after a three-seater Sezna training plane crashed while it has having its regular taxi at the municipal airport of Maconacon town Wednesday morning.
The lead sentence above wrongly uses the subordinating conjunction “after.” It should be “when” instead because it’s evident that the victims sustained their injuries simultaneously with the plane crash, not after it.
Also, the choice of words for the subordinate clause “while it was having its regular taxi” is grammatically and semantically flawed. It wrongly uses the word “taxi” as a noun, which means “aircraft,” when it should be used as a verb instead to mean “to operate an aircraft on the ground under its own power.” The more appropriate phrasing is “while taxiing routinely.”
So here’s that problematic sentence as corrected:
“Three people, including an Iranian national, were hurt
when a three-seater Cessna training plane crashed
while taxiing routinely at the municipal airport of Maconacon town Wednesday morning.”
(5) Philippine Daily Inquirer: Improper use of the adjective up; imprecise account of events‘Dodong’ brings floods; death toll: 9
Floods up to 2 meters deep swamped a town in Batangas and classes were suspended in Metro Manila and several provinces in Luzon on Thursday, as a low-pressure area intensified into Tropical Depression “Dodong.”
A 10-year-old boy in Batangas City remained missing Thursday after he was swept away by floodwaters while trying to retrieve his slippers.
Relief officials also said that a family of six in Laguna province had a narrow escape when a landslide crushed their house minutes after they had abandoned it.
In the first sentence of the lead passage above, the use of the adjective “up” in the noun phrase “floods up to 2 meters deep” evokes a contradictory sense. Normally, depth is associated with a downward measure or movement rather than an upward one, as in “down to 2 meters deep.” In contrast, flooding is measured by a rise or increase in height of the floodwaters.
In this particular case, I’d say that a more appropriate and precise phrasing is “floods up to 2 meters high.” Even better is “floods as deep as 2 meters.”
In the third sentence of the lead passage, the sequence of events in the phrase “had a narrow escape when a landslide crushed their house minutes after they had abandoned it” is flawed chronologically. The family had a narrow escape not when the landslide crushed their house; this couldn’t be the case because they had already abandoned that house before it was crushed by the landslide. The following rewrite of that sentence renders the correct sense and the actual sequence of events:
“Relief officials also said that a family of six in Laguna province
had a narrow escape when they abandoned their house just minutes before a landslide crushed it.”
(6) The Manila Times: Skewed statement due to inappropriate sentence construction Lawmakers feast on fish amid fishkill
MASSIVE fishkills in Batangas and Pangasinan have prompted at least seven lawmakers to eat milk fish and tilapia of different viands before members of the media on Wednesday to prove that it is safe to eat the country’s fishes as much as before.
The House members who feasted on the fishes inside the Congress Press Office included Angelo Palmones of Agham Party-list, Mark Leandro Mendoza of Batangas, Benhur Salimbangon of Cebu, Victor Yu of Zamboanga del Sur, Agapito Guanlao of Butil Party-list and Linabelle Ruth Villarica of Bulacan and Herminia Roman of Bataan.
When you read the lead sentence above, you get the strange, even macabre sense—at least until 28 words later into the sentence—that those two lawmakers were so foolhardy as to eat double-dead milkfish and tilapia just to prove that they are safe to eat. This false sense is the result of (1) making the “massive fishkills in Batangas and Pangasinan” the subject of the sentence, thus giving the strong impression that it was double-dead fish that the lawmakers had eaten for show, and then (2) delaying till the tail end of the sentence the true context and point of the whole exercise, which is “to prove that it is safe to eat the country’s fishes as much as before.”
See how, along with some refinements of its rather spotty grammar, a major restructuring of that whole lead passage can make the intrepid act of those lawmakers look more sensible and logical:
“
To prove that it is still safe to eat fish in the country despite the massive fishkills in Batangas and Pangasinan, seven lawmakers dined on various milkfish and tilapia dishes in the presence of members of the media last Wednesday.
“The House members who demonstrated that eating fish today remains safe were…”
(7) The Manila Bulletin: RedundancyMonetary reward for anti-polluters
LINGAYEN, Pangasinan, Philippines – In a bid to discourage the public from throwing wastes into rivers, the provincial government is offering cash rewards to persons reporting violators who indiscriminately throw garbage into natural waterways.
Provincial Information Officer Buth Velasco said that Governor Amado T. Espino, Jr. is offering P10,000 as a reward for any concerned citizen of Pangasinan who can arrest or seize persons throwing garbage into rivers.
In the lead sentence of the passage above, the prepositional phrase “in a bid to discourage the public from throwing wastes into rivers” is redundant because it’s merely a repeat in other words—a virtual paraphrase—of “violators who indiscriminately throw garbage into natural waterways” in the main clause. Thus, even without that redundant phrase, the sentence can very well stand on its own and say exactly the same thing:
“The provincial government is offering cash rewards to persons reporting violators who indiscriminately throw garbage into natural waterways.”
(8 ) The Manila Bulletin: Seriously overloaded and convoluted sentence‘Pondo’ rite
MANILA, Philippines — The incessant downpour and heavy traffic notwithstanding, thousands of lay and religious representatives from various Catholic groups, including catechists, diocesan clergy, trans parochial charismatic communities, representatives from the Archdiocese of Manila, the Catholic Educational Association of the Philippines (CEAP) member schools, as well as from the 89 parishes under the thirteen Vicariates of the Archdiocese of Manila attended Thursday’s celebration of the 7th anniversary of “Pondo ng Pinoy” (PnP) at the Cuneta Astrodome on Roxas Boulevard, Pasay City.
If you found the sentence above utterly confusing (as I did), it’s because it’s groaning under the weight of so many words. Worse, the appearance of its operative verb, “attended,” is delayed by as many as 57 words into the sentence. In English, what a sentence is saying can best be understood when the operative verb is positioned as close as possible to the subject or doer of the action.
The problem with that sentence is that an extremely long procession of nouns and noun phrases was used as its subject, resulting in a breathlessly long compound noun phrase. This could have been easily avoided by using the noun phrase “7th anniversary of ‘Pondo ng Pinoy’ (PnP) as the subject instead, as follows:
“The incessant downpour and heavy traffic notwithstanding, the 7th anniversary of “Pondo ng Pinoy” (PnP) was celebrated last Thursday at the Cuneta Astrodome on Roxas Boulevard, Pasay City, with thousands of lay and religious representatives from various Catholic groups in attendance.
“The celebrators consisted of catechists, diocesan clergy, and transparochial charismatic communities as well as representatives from the Archdiocese of Manila, member schools of the Catholic Educational Association of the Philippines (CEAP), and the 89 parishes under the thirteen Vicariates of the Archdiocese of Manila.”