Author Topic: Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog  (Read 13035 times)

Joe Carillo

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Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
« on: May 07, 2011, 11:05:42 PM »
I’m sure you’ll love this hilarious but very instructive piece on language misuse. It was e-mailed to me by Forum member Rocky Avila on May 6, 2011. For readers who don’t understand Tagalog (the text in italics), I have provided an English translation at the tail end of this posting. Enjoy!—Joe Carillo


Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
(“Inday ng Buhay Natin”)

Nawawala si Inday ngayon, kanyo? Nawawala nga. Ito, ikukuwento ko sa inyo, ang bahagi ng kanyang nagdaan sa bahay ng kanyang amo at may update din ako kung ano ang nangyari sa kanya:
 
Magsimula tayo noong mag-apply si Inday ng trabaho sa naging amo niya. Dumaan sa interview si Inday.



Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para  maglinis ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, mamalantsa, mamalengke, at  magbantay sa mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?
 
Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will significantly contribute to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity,  productivity, and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.
 
[Nag-nosebleed ang amo pero tinanggap naman ng amo si Inday.]
 
Makaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang  amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.
 
Amo: Inday, bakit may bukol si Junior?
 
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well-engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ. Moreover, if you look more closely, he has rashes, too.
 
Amo: Ha?!!? Bakit?
 
Inday: Elementary, ma’am. Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs in the reaction site & release of chemotactic & anaphylotoxin histamine & prostaglandins. This substance results in incomplete circulation to the site, promoting redness.
 
Amo: Ah, ganon ba? O, sige, ok. Sori, ha? [Sabay pahid ng kanyang dugo sa ilong]
 
Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan…
 
Amo: Inday, bakit naman maalat ang ulam natin?
 
Inday: The consistency is fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride… the scientific name of which is NaCl…affected the taste drastically and the chemical reactions are irreversible.  I do apologize.
 
[Nosebleed na naman ang ilong]
 
Amo: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nararatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?!
 
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.
 
[This time may kasabay pang himatay ang nosebleed.]
 
Isang gabi, may nag-text kay Inday—si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay. Gustong makipagtext- mate. . .
 
Inday (to driver): To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request is irrevocable denial.
 
Driver (to Inday): Inday, your perception has no substantial bearing on what the deep recesses of my being is contemplating. May I therefore assiduously move for your benevolent reconsideration. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily experiences. Heretofore, however, if you so desire, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from me!
 
Eh, narinig pala lahat-lahat ng amo ang pag-uusap nina Inday at ng driver.
 
Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng gobbledygook na Ingles sa pamamahay ko. Bakit di ka bumili ng libro ni Jose A. Carillo na English Plain and Simple? Reasonable price lang. Kung di mo kayang bumili dahil kuripot ka, hayaan mo’t ibibili kita. Ang sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko, palalayasin ko sa pamamahay na ito pagkatapos kong basagin ang bunganga!
 
Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong bibig ay mataman kong ilalagak sa kasuluk-sulukan ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, at palagi kong gugunam-gunamin. Sakbibi ng madlang lumbay kung mapapalis sa gunita yaring inyong tinuran.
 
Amo: Leche! Hindi kami sinauna! Ayaw ko ring makarinig ng gobbledygook na Tagalog! Yung  makabagong wika at salita ang gusto kong gagamitin dito sa bahay ko!!
 

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!
 
[Nasa ospital na raw ang amo. At hindi na ngayon mahagilap si Inday.]
 
---------
HERE’S AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF THAT DIALOGUE:

“Inday of Our Life”

You say that Inday is missing? Indeed she is! So here, I’ll tell you the story of her past work in her lady employer’s household and I’ll also give you an update of what happened to her.

Let’s start when Inday applied for work with her employer. She had to go through a job interview.

Lady Employer: We need a househelp to keep the house clean, cook, do the laundry, iron clothes, do the groceries, and take care of the children. Can you do all that?

Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will significantly contribute to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity,  productivity, and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.

[The employer had nosebleed listening to all that English gobbledygook, but she hired Inday nevertheless. (“Nosebleed” is slang for being assaulted with hard-to-understand language.) ]

After two days, the employer came home and found her son Junior with a big lump in the head.

Lady Employer: Inday, why does Junior have a big lump in the head?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well-engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ. Moreover, if you look more closely, he has rashes, too.

Lady Employer: What?!!? Why?

Inday: Elementary, ma’am. Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs in the reaction site & release of chemotactic & anaphylotoxin histamine & prostaglandins. This substance results in incomplete circulation to the site, promoting redness.

Lady Employer: Oh, really? Well, OK. I’m sorry then. [She wipes the blood from her nose.]
 
That evening, at dinner…
 
Lady Employer: Inday, why is our food salty?

Inday: The consistency is fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride… the scientific name of which is NaCl…affected the taste drastically and the chemical reactions are irreversible.  I do apologize.

[The lady employer gets nosebleed again.]

Lady Employer: Why is it that whenever I come home, I always catch you watching TV?!

Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

[This time the employer not only gets nosebleed but faints.]

One night, somebody sent Inday a text message—Dodong, the neighbor’s driver. He wanted to be Inday’s textmate…

Inday (to driver): To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request is irrevocable denial.
 
Driver (to Inday): Inday, your perception has no substantial bearing on what the deep recesses of my being is contemplating. May I therefore assiduously move for your benevolent reconsideration. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily experiences. Heretofore, however, if you so desire, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from me!

[Well, it so happened that the lady employer heard every word of the conversation between Inday and the driver.]

Lady Employer: From now on, I won’t allow anybody to speak in gobbledygook in this household anymore. Why don’t you buy Jose Carillo’s book, English Plain and Simple? The price is reasonable. If you can’t afford it because you’re a cheapskate, let me buy you a copy. Whoever gives me and my children nosebleed again, I’ll smash her mouth and drive her out of this house!
 
Inday: (Roughly, her reply in Tagalog gobbledygook translates to English as follows): The words that issued from your lips I’ll keep in the deepest recesses of my mind, in the innermost sanctums of my my heart, and I’ll always ponder them ever so deeply. It would be very sad and it would be most unfortunate indeed if what you said gets erased from my memory.)

Lady Employer: Damn! We’re not old-timers here! I forbid you also to speak in Tagalog gobbledygook! What I want to hear in this house is modern-day language using modern-day words!!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!*

[The lady employer was hospitalized after this conversation. Inday is nowhere to be found.]

----------
*This is deep, demeaning gayspeak describing the lady employer as, among other insults, fat and haughty.

« Last Edit: May 07, 2019, 12:46:35 AM by Joe Carillo »

silvertsunami

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Re: Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2012, 09:19:58 PM »
 ;D hahaha...I like that!

ianrivera

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Re: Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2012, 01:21:06 AM »
hahaha! a short but very funny story.

dyang417

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Re: Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2012, 02:58:02 AM »
good one lol

jonathanfvaldez

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Re: Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2012, 02:20:37 AM »
Dear Joe,

My Web research (see following excerpt) shows that the use of "further" instead of "farther" in the phrase "Nothing could be farther from the truth" is acceptable.  What is your preference?

"If we speak of a statement that is far from the truth, for example, we should also allow the use of farther in a sentence such as Nothing could be farther from the truth. But Nothing could be further from the truth is so well established as to seem a fixed expression."
("farther," The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th ed., 2000)"

Thanks.

Jonathan

Joe Carillo

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Re: Gobbledygook na Ingles at Tagalog
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2012, 09:34:11 AM »
Hands down, my personal preference is "farther" rather than "further" in the sentence "Nothing could be farther from the truth." But in the sense of such statements as "Don't speak any further," I'll go for "further" instead of "farther" anytime.