Jose Carillo's English Forum
General Category => Language Humor at its Finest => Topic started by: Joe Carillo on February 15, 2015, 10:54:28 AM
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15 Inexorable Facts of Life
1. “A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.”
2. “It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.”
3. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
4. “Psychiatrists say that one of four people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re OK, you’re it.”
5. “A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.”
6. “The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.”
7. “Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It’s easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you’d be paranoid, too.”
8. “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.”
9. “If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.”
10. “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. ‘Yes’ is the answer.”
11. “Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.”
12. “Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.”
13. “Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can’t find them.”
14. “It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.”
15. “Paul’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.”
—From a collection in RiddlesandJokes.com (http://www.riddlesandjokes.com/jokes.php?site=172&cur=18&audience=General)